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Sunday, 3 July 2011

Anger what should I do with you?

Emotions are such complex thing. Isaac is starting to show his negative emotions or should I say his emotions are more "holistic" now. He is now fully aware of everything and understand what I say.Having such a big live mirror around me gives me pressure to be always composed and calm.well that's the ideal. Sadly that is not always the case.in addition there is one more party involved in this interaction:daddy.

Apart from the interaction between my son and I ,there is also this extreme complexity between husband and wife.

I am so angry with him that I don't know what to do. Have you ever come to this threshold that you are so ( times by infinite) angry that you just want to get equal but don't know how?

Very ungodly I know.

That's why I need JEsus. I know the know but JEsus has become so small and "invisible" in my life now.

Husband is in bible college but we don't read the bible together or pray properly. That shows what they teach in bible college huh ?Or maybe this is so obvious and so basic that they already expect by default this is what every bible college student should do anyway.

Just like how in church everyone is supposed to have quiet time devotion pray and read the bible and have close reltionship with God. So everyone assume everyone is doing it and at the same time everyone knows that not everyone does it.

This mainly also explain why I have been so irritable so dissatisfied with everything.unfulfilled spirit will only bear anger and irritable fruit.

It's a complex picture here:moving house, a new member in the family, me coping with my new status and way of life,me earning so much less than I used to,not satisfied career wise, nor being appreciated doing those daily Boring mundane small task call housework, trying very hard to be the perfect need and tidy wife

To sum up : I am far from it ....that's why I feel I am suffocating

Having gastric pain doesn't help much. Irregular meal times, swallowing my food as Isaac climbs all over while I try to eat ...

Tough tough. And right now I am so angry over my husband action this morning

I am just so angry ! Letting it out here ... My own space

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