Wednesday, 18 February 2009

Healing pain

on the topic of knowing self and knowing God. God knows more about
myself than myself because He is my creator.

It happened last year in July. I thought i'm not affected so much by
what happened in my family as i have grown up and it has been in the

But it's very natural for us to brush it under the carpet and just get
on with life, thinking we are alright.

We had a youth camp last weekend, and God also spoke into the lives
with the same thing.

When the light of God shines and penetrate into our deepest being, God
begin to bring those to surface. God then help us to be honest and
help us to face it.
The reason for it is that He wants to HEAL US. He wants to save us and
heal us and help our wound to recover.

What would i do without God?Without God, there will be no healing.
Healing can only happen when we let go and forgive the people who hurt
us and exchange our hurt with the Love of God.

I am grateful. Thank God for His healing.

"Praise the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." Psalm 103

Heal-ING is an ongoing process... i still have challenges and
breakthrough that i need to make. God will stand by me.

Bible college entrance statement

after 3 weeks of procastinating, i finally sat down and wrote my 2000
words statement for my application to bible college under 4 headings:
testimony of salvation, testimony of calling, personal gifts,
strengths and weaknesses, and reasons and objectives of application.

When i arrived at personal strengths, i stopped, I needed to think
hard. I could list more weaknesses.

i find it's hard to have a balanced view about ourselves and it's such
a thin line. Sometimes it's easy to think more highly of ourselves,
and sometimes the other end of the spectrum. Some people are insecure
inside, but they put up a very strong front for fear of being
vulnerable. They are afraid of people seeing through their insecure
within them.

recently been reading on a very interesting article. The author wrote
that in the walk of being a child of God, it's not just about knowing
God. We shouldn't ignore the fact that we are to KNOW OURSELVES.
Knowing self is an important element, to have a realistic view of

The only way to have a realistic view and to honestly know ourselves
is to know God in a relationship with Him. This means that we can only
know ourselves when we know God.We can't know God by just reading
about him, the true knowing can only happens in a relationship. Just
like i can only know my friend when i develop a friendship with her.

What do we do with knowing ourselves in the light of knowing God? When
we know ourselves, we are able to be transformed, to become more like

"and we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are
being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which
comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. " 2 Corinthians 4:18

Wednesday, 11 February 2009

梁文音-那雙看不見的手 (good tv)

indeed that invisible hand is here

Happy sleeping London

I was amazed that the sky was bright at the far end
the snow began on Sunday night.

I forgot my sorrow on Friday with the outpouring of snow on MOnday! I left at a perfect timing, my ex-colleague told me

I was like a child, waking up and was excited to see myself surrounded by snow

The first official day was great, as there was heavy snow and the
whole London was put to a still. I loved the stillness of the city. On
boxing day i felt the same. It was just so peaceful, as if the whole
town is sleeping.

check out our garden!

Then breakfast time, we had such great background!

tulips from colleague, coffee was Malaysian coffee contained in a starbucks mug, Ha! such pleasure

Even my rubbish bin looked very beautiful that morning

Albert and I had a great time playing in Clissold park, taking
picture, rolling snowball to make snowman.

It was both albert and my
first time of making snowman. Silly me, i didn't realise snow ball was
actually heavy! As the snow was fresh, i also tasted those snow from
sky with my tongue. Ha!

in the meantime, what others are doing..

the snow was so heavy!
someone made this mega mega huge huge snowball that we had to climb up and we could touch the branches! So cool!

check out the doggie... a series of 3 photos
looking for something?
running after something

Then it started getting dark....

When it was dark, we wanted more., So we spent another 2 hours
building another snowman using the ice in front of my house. It was great!

My resignation 31st of January

The day i have been counting down since 3 months ago ( 3 months notice is my organisation policy)is finally here.

I went to work and started clearing my desk. Embarassingly, i filled the whole blue IKEA bag with my things, mostly food and utensils to hold food. Albert has very intelligently asked me to bring the BIG ikea bag as he has better space dimensions than me as opposed to the small bag that i brought, thinking it was enough.

Albert drove the whole big heavy bag home at 11 .30 am so i didn't have to carry home with public transport.

The rest of the afternoon was spent making a card with a photo of me and that individual with my personalised message. In all of them , i thanked them for the great working relationship. I also apologised to them for my shortcomings, my inpatience of wanting things get done and neglecting their feelings in the process.
a glimpse of my animated colleague

Last but not least, i wrote to my manager. I thanked him for taking me in and selecting me in the interview, giving my opportunities to grow and be innovative in my work, giving me space to use my creativity in streamlining the task. In all honesty, my manager is a kind man, just not a tough manager. I also apologised to him and thanked him for putting up with me, with my immaturity and also for the difference in my opinion.

After writing all those card, i felt a sense of heaviness. Although the job itself is very beauracratic,we are a small team and we have very close relationship.

When the whole team came round and presented the gift for my farewell, i burst into tears.I was uncontrollable. I couldn't say anything. I was emotional. Aiks! this wasn't what i wanted it to be. I had prepared my speech and i even wanted to crack some silly jokes. At that moment, i spaced out! i just looked at them and said it has been great working with them and i cried...

ARGH! i was just overwhelmed. The gifts were generous.

I had some one to one handover time with my manager, exit interview. So we had some reflection etcc... My manager is just so kind. He is learning in his management style. He fedback that he read what i wrote in my card about thanking me of putting up with him. He then said,

" i don't think i have put up with you irene, it's you who have put up with me. I know i'm not perfect." After saying that, my manager teared!

AW... he is so nice. He then recalled that the room was the same room where i visited that place for an informal chat with him about the job before i went there for interview.

Both of us were emotional.

That's not how i expected my last day to be. I was just so sad and heavy to leave my colleagues, my familiar desk, that familiar door, kitchen when we want to chat on something private, that familiar route that i took from the bus stop to work place, the chat i have with my colleagues. I even asked my colleague to video us during the gift presentation but didn't manage to do it!

It was 5 pm, i then stayed back to forward emails and handover.

I was one of the two last people who left the building at 7.30pm.

I cried on my way home in the bus. As much as i hate my job, i have become so attached to it. Suddenly i felt this big part of me has left me and i become uncomfortable to it.

It has been a great 3 years. Lots of the GPs that i worked with wished me well, which made me feel good that my hardwork and support to them were being appreciated.

great memories ... but i have to move on...

i think i will cry more when i am finally leaving London in june...

Dolly Parton - Coat of many colors

my coat of many colours tell of the love my mum has for me.. though i am poor, but i am the richest of all

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