Thursday, 28 February 2008


熱情-Passion according to webster dictionary means
Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin passion-, passio suffering, being acted upon, from Latin pati to suffer — more at patient
13th century
1often capitalized a: the sufferings of Christ between the night of the Last Supper and his death b: an oratorio based on a gospel narrative of the Passion2obsolete : suffering
Passion involves suffering, in other words, willing to sacrifice all else in the name of passion




-by Jaeson Ma, in his book: The blueprint
I don't think i have started living yet..

one million star
May the Lord bless and keep you

Irene Tan
"You have made known to me the path of life, you will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasure at your right hand"Psalm 16:11

Tuesday, 26 February 2008

Make up Lesson-Catwalk model for fashion designer

Last week the lesson was on fashion designer.Each of us chose a fashion designer and make-up a model for that fashion designer. In my research, i was attracted to a fashion designer named John Galliano. His works are as below:

YOu can probably tell .. i am going for the tribe look.. and that fake eyebrow... i would think that would be a challenge.. and i like challenge..Also albert with his artistic instinct has drawn out those few lines all the way above the eyebrow on a newspaper the night before WITHOUT seeing the piece of art at all! Amazing albert!

My classmate, N, has also eyed on John Galliano, a different one.. it's that black eyes with red lips.

OKay.. are you ready? So we started the lesson.. and N worked on me...

She is very dedicated.. she followed it through.. and she actually put shiny red thingy on mylips

My final look :

Wa la.. scary... !!! Then it's my turn.. on her..
Unfortunately, no matter how much i try to conceal her brow... it's still too dark to be concealed... so i didn't draw the fake brown at her forehead. Same look on different people will have different effect.. but it's not too bad..

Others , as you can see, is less dramatic as ours..

The rest did wipe off their face. I didn't as i thought it's only once in a life time.. and it's purely fun.. so i decided to go home with it. I left with p, another classmate of mine.. and we were hungry. So we decided to take the tube to china town for food before going home.

Well well i have truly estimated the effect of my look on others. Everyone was staring at me! When i walked out of the tube station, one man who was walking in opposite direction grabbed my hand as he walked past me. I got a shock !

Then we went to hong kong cafe in chinatown for chicken wings and fried noodles. Needless to say, the stare continued, including those who were passing by, as i just happened to be sitting next to the window.

When i took the tube home from chinatown to manor house, i dare not look up, i just stared at the floor and closed my eyes when i was in the tube.When i reached home, albert got a shock too.. and we decided to make best use of it.

But that's not it. Albert was happy with the look, it's more round.. it should be elongated.. so he did some touch up..connecting the two black circle and making it longer... and adding my fake brow with white shadow.. ..

-check out those white brow by Albert
and this will remind you of someone from the movies......

What a fun night! Ha ..

Thursday, 21 February 2008

超級星光大道 第二季 20071123 一對一pk賽 Part1 05/ 張昕羚 殘酷的溫柔 林宜融 不公平

What is keeping you awake?My survival depends on a tube lately

Maybe it's pscyhologically or physical, i am not sure. Psychological in the sense that i don't like my job, and hence psychologically i try to escape or deceive myself by not going to bed early.Or maybe i just have too many silly thoughts on my mind that i need a long long time to shut them down before i can actually sleep. Those two are maybes.. but what is definite is i am hooked on One million star Taiwan, 超級星光大道.

You can watch it on youtube.Which means my survival depends on a tube lately. It's like american pop idol. It's about shaping the star of tomorrow, over 6 months, they shortlisted 100 then to 40 then to 5 and so forth. It's the 3rd season now and over 100,000 from japan, taiwan etc.. applied! I must say it's a tough call... so much pressure... to perform, to be someone that you are not, to meet the requirement and standard of the judges in such a short time.

But i admire them. I admire them for the courage, perseverance to fulfill their dreams. I admire those who run after their dreams... when i don't even have one myself. Where is mine? I am almost 50% of my lifetime and i am still searching.

Maybe there isn't one. The ultimate dream is to live one day at a time and live this very second to the fullest.

I come to work feeling sleepy and tired, but when i go home and watch my favourite programme, one million star, i am energised. The reality of my life is not giving me the slightest fulfillment that i am relying on the programme to give me some, something that doesn't last. Is my addiction to programmes a disguise of my underlying emptiness and lost?

What is life about? Are the things that keep me awake disguising the anguish within me? My brother-in-law is in the form of ash. Can you comprehend that? Me, a human being, with emotions and talking etc... end up in ash/dust (depending which method ). Transient makes you hopeless, only when you are open to the possibility of eternal and resurrection, then there is some point in living..

Wednesday, 20 February 2008

五月天 我又初戀了 完整版MV

Currently listening to May day.. i am only beginning to listen to them.. where have i been all these years? Oh my...

Tuesday, 19 February 2008

最浪漫的事 by 趙詠華

Thanks Rachel for sharing this song with me..
最浪漫的事 - 趙詠華

聽聽音樂 聊聊願望




Monday, 18 February 2008

How Un-malaysian am i

I did this test at and this is my results.. ha

Congratulations cl tan , you are 40% not Malaysian.

That means you're as Malaysian as...

Michelle Yeoh!

How Un-Malaysian Are You?

Thursday, 14 February 2008

Growing Old together

I like the google icon today... love=growing old together... if one doesn't have partner, i think growing old with friends is also another precious gift...

The V day

It's 14th Feb today.. The good news to you and me is that we are loved, we are here by random, we are in the same hands that place the stars in the sky...
So whether you have a partner or not it's not the main focus of today. The focus today is that You are Loved and cared for by the creator.
Romans 8:32 (New International Version)

32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:
   "For your sake we face death all day long;
      we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."[l] 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Wednesday, 13 February 2008

Happy birthday everyone

It's the 7th day of Chinese New year.. so it's Yan Yat.. so happy birthday everyone.
Yesterday was very down... so i told vincent that i am dead man walking, which he later improvised to animated corpse. I quite like that term. So miserable that i cried on a quiet lane on the way to work. I can't particularly pin point any trigger.. (gosh, sounds like symptoms of depression.. ) and went into a self-pity state.
Felt better towards the end of the day. I must say having a friend to just talk about it helped. Thank God for chan chang. He did his diagnosis bit obviously.. then i came to the conclusion that i should not be "self-absorbed" but should be looking at how i can help others and make a difference. I know, Sarah Jessica Parker would probably say "it's so cliche" in her sex and the city series. But it does help not to look at me and myself and my problem.. but to look out and how i can make a difference. Somehow i really don't think my current job suits me.. but sorry to say, at this point in life, i am a slave to money and slave to UK permanent residence status. Eight more months and i can apply for PR.
On a side note, i also asked myself and others.. why do people get married. Yes, i am a thinker and i have too much time to think about these things. Albert said people get married for companionship, while some for procreation. Yesterday, i got an answer for myself. I got married because it's the school for living out Christ in "forgiving others constantly, not only seven times, but seventy times.. ", about patience and forebearing. Both imperfect beings spending their lives together is bound to have imperfect lives. But the challenge is to live with those imperfections yet not settling for it. It's about transformation of life, spurring each other to be more like Christ. Christ died in the hands of the very beings that He created and with no hatred for injustice or for those who nailed him. That is the kind of love we are talking about. To actually learn that and reflect that kind of love in our life is indeed the purpose of our lives.
To learn to love and to be loved.. is my answer to why i got married.
I picked up a book this morning and currently reading : How to learn from the bible on how to live in joy

Tuesday, 12 February 2008

The 5 limit

To me, i think kids are adorable when they first able to complete a sentence, which is between the age of 2-4. Maximum age 5 when you can converse with them. Age 4 and 5 is the why age, why this, why that, why do you say why..
My niece, Shovan is 3.5 years old who can dance and sing and entertain herself and me in the 2 hours drive from KL to tanjung sepat..She is smart too, she can open a photo file in a computer, not those on the desktop, but those that are few folders away from the main folder .. no kidding.. even i was shocked

A model by profession
One my my favourite expression
the dancing queen
The sweet smile
The "E" smile, just like her aunt
The blur look

Initially i wanted a boy, if i am pregnant, which i am not at the moment. But boys are active and they can't sit still. A girl, a pen and paper, they can sit and draw.I think one has to be physically fit and with stamina to have a boy, that's just my theory.

The magic wand to promegranate

When i first came to UK, i buy every fruit, except for promegranate. Mainly because there are too many of them, and it takes me ages to single each of them out with my bare hands. Until.... i met a man who changed my life. It's the chef. I have a friend who is a chef and he told me the trick to eat this fruit.
All you need is a tool to knock on it, and it will fall into the bowl. Magic! ha

Click on photo for clearer view

Monday, 11 February 2008

3rd day of Chinese new year

Home visiting of course. Went over to Winnie's place on saturday, 3rd day of CNY. Had lunch and hang around till 7 pm. Just malaysians chatting and celebrating chinese new year.
4th day after church service, we also went to another friend's place to have lunch. Again, ate, chat, drank wine, then ate again.. till 7pm. I actually visited more friends this year than next.

Make up lesson- Asian bride

Las friday's lesson was on asian bride. In UK, asian does not mean chinese. It means indian. I quite enjoyed in making up my asian classmate. The blue goes well with her. My teacher said choosing the right colour is the difficult part. I think bright blue goes well with black, asians and chinese.
I also asked my friend to be my model as i need to practice on my make up skills. The skills is there, but it takes lot of experience to customise the skills on each individual and to work out what will be the most flattering look for that person. That , i think , is definitely an art.

my classmate working on me

Friday, 8 February 2008

Second day of Chinese new year

Well now that i am married, probably i will be distributing ang pow and feeling the pinch inside my heart.. ha ... i will be the stingy one muahha..

anyway, i thought since i am in london, and only chinese on my floor, so i picked up some ang pow envelope and insert 20p into it. I think i gave out around 10 of them. The British were thrilled, mainly i think it's the nice little red packet, lined with Gold with chinese word on it. One man said : " so you are giving out money " ... yeah... i could have bought myself starbucks coffee with those ang pow.. but never mind. Some of them asked if they could open the envelope or whether they can use the money.

I didn't give it to all. i only gave it to people whom i like or whom i am comfortable with, or whom i think is sincere. Well, that's life. Talking about hypocrites and this world, i was watching one million star , the taiwanese version of amercian pop idol, i heard this song and find the lyrics quite fit into what i feel :


Journey 流浪記歌詞
December 2, 2007


作詞:紀曉君 作曲:紀曉君 
原唱:紀曉君 演唱:梁文音

我以為我並不差 不會害怕
我以為我並不差 能學會虛假

還能不能唱出歌聲裏的puy uma


Thursday, 7 February 2008

The inner strength

Below from journal of my friend, Tow shung, 29 year old oncologist diagnosed with oesophageal cancer, Indeed, not why, but HOW....



Day 1 of concurrent chemotherapy and radiation today. So far I have been tolerating the chemotherapy reasonably well. The brunt of the side effects will likely come later, as the effects of both the chemo and radiation accumulates.

TY is arriving later today (after many hours of traveling due to airline misadventures) to spend the week 'taking care' of me. For my sake and hers, hopefully this will be a boring week for her. :)


Received an email from a patient with what sounds like metastatic esophageal cancer. He wrote me after reading this journal. I am including an edited excerpt from my emailed reply, as a glimpse into my thoughts as a cancer patient. Thoughts that I have been trying to put to paper for some time now. Thoughts that hopefully can encourage other cancer patients that stumble on to this journal.

'My personal thoughts are that if we (as cancer patients) are able to overcome the negativity of a cancer diagnosis, and continue to live (and for some even die) with grace and dignity, we will have already won the victory against cancer. Some journeys with cancer will be longer, and others short, but what matters most is how we walk that journey. That journey need not be filled with angst, bitterness, 'why me' questions, denial, rage, depression, or even in some cases an unrealistic pursuit of a cure/long life. We should not allow fear of the dreaded 'C' word to dictate how we live our lives. Rather, that journey, no matter how long or short, can be a path filled with courage, acceptance, love, hope, faith, peace, joy, fellowship, serenity, a sense of purpose, grace and dignity. We and our loved ones did not choose to be 'afflicted' with cancer, but we have a choice of how we deal and cope with this difficult diagnosis. I pray that God will grant us the courage to choose our paths wisely, the hope to live a meaningful/purposeful life, and the inner strength to live (and die) with dignity.

Tow Shung

Wednesday, 6 February 2008

The note on missing home

Chinese new year.. is here.. and i MISS HOME.. I REPEAT.. I MISS HOME !!!
Albert and i had this conversation before on :" Why are we here in UK? " Well for jobs and for money. No doubt the prospeect for pharmacist are much better here than back home and comfort and quality of working life.
Then the one million dollar question.. would you trade all these to be with your family? your life and blood?
My answer is YES i will. Being away since i am an adult means i haven't really spent time with my family members as an adult. Spending time with family from age 0-20 years is definitley very different from 20 years old and above. Now we get to talk to our parents like friends and really got to know them as a person. I got to have conversations with my elder brothers. That  is sweet.
I called home today, everyone was around, except me. That broke my heart.
It's like those missing pages in a book. Albert has been away since 18. Two and a half decade has gone by... too many missing pages... and now we are racing against time.. to spend as much time with his mum as possible.
From my end, i don't want to be only spending time with my parents are old or ill. Time, once gone , is gone forever.
Home is where my heart is.. and my heart is definitely with my family in Malaysia... UK is never my home ...


WOO HOO.. i am counting down from London too! Thank God for msn ! and google chat..
irene imagining fireworks described by chu san !

祝大家鼠年健康象硕鼠,收获像田鼠, 活泼像松鼠,挣钱像袋鼠,天天快乐像米老鼠! forwarded to me by esther

Everything except feet

Having all these frustration is definitely not healthy for myself and my colleagues, so i needed some place to let it go. Since it takes 6 weeks for antidepressants to work, i think the next quick fix is exercise. I need some happy hormones, endorphins.
I got myself all ready with my shirts..etc.. when i was just about to leave, i realised i forgot my sport shoes! ARGH!
No running for me, no happy pills, and definitely no endorphins.
Looks like it's going to be a long long day. Maybe when i shut up and stop moaning, i will be alright. Save myself and colleagues

I have to say it HERE

Was on the bus in the morning, and thought it's chinese new year eve today. Aw.. how i miss home. Sent a couple of texts and planning to call home later.
The minute i walked into my desk, i have this irritation and anger in me. Frustration, unexplained? Maybe. As i get through the morning, i kept on shouting that "I HATE MY JOB! "
I said my prayer this morning, and i asked God to align my heart to His.. why am i hating my job? I have nowhere to say it, there is only so much i can tell others... and no many would understand me...
so i have to say it here, because this is my diary.

Tuesday, 5 February 2008

Emotional manipulation

Just when i was thinking about manipulation, what it's all about, and how do people manipulate others, Brother Soo-Inn has written very wisely on emotional manipulation below:

[January 25, 2008 Edition]

Commentary: Are you a sucker for flattery?
By Soo-Inn Tan

Bernice and I caught an episode of the TV show, Damages, a few evenings ago. The series is a legal drama set in the exciting world of class-action litigation in the US. In that episode, Patty Hewes, the main protagonist, played by Glenn Close, wanted to see if her protege would be willing to put the needs of their firm above her personal life. The young lawyer is asked to deliver a brief to a judge on the day of her engagement party. The Close character had set up a situation where the young lawyer would have to choose between her assignment or her engagement party, a party very important to her and her family.

Of course this is fiction, just a TV show but I was struck by the way the writers had constructed a scenario that was true to life. For one thing the test for the young lawyer was subtle. She was led to believe that she could hand in the brief in time for her to get to her engagement party. Many of our major spiritual challenges come out of left field, when our defences are down. It is critical that we train our hearts long and hard so that when the unexpected tests come, our default automatic responses are biblically wise.

What really struck me about the scenario was how the Close character used praise and flattery to manipulate her young protege. The young lawyer was told that she was asked to deliver the brief personally because she had done an excellent piece of work and that personally meeting the judge would really further her career. What young professional could resist such an approach?

All young professionals starting out in any discipline desperately want to prove themselves. Therefore no affirmation is more welcomed then the praise of a respected senior. Praise is especially welcomed when it comes from your boss. Bosses and seniors know this. They can either use this knowledge responsibly, to encourage their juniors, or they can use this dynamic to manipulate people.

Those in church related work are not immune to this vulnerability. I remember when I was a young pastor starting out, I would say yes to virtually every invitation to speak that came my way. I was desperate to prove myself, and to justify the heavy costs I had paid in giving up dentistry to go into church work. It didn't help that most of the invitations were couched in language that played up my ability as a preacher.

I ended up tired all the time and a tired Soo inn is an angry Soo Inn, snapping at wife, child, and parents. (Of course I would be on my best behaviour with the people I ministered to. Couldn't risk spoiling my image as this fantastic minister of the word.) I look back with regret, grateful for the grace of God and the love of my family.

Of course it is not only the young who are susceptible to praise and flattery. If we are not secure as to who we are, and consciously seek the approval of God alone, we will always be vulnerable to both praise and criticism. Praise will make us proud and affect our decision making inordinately. Criticism will wound us emotionally. Therefore it is critical that we are clear as to who we are in the Lord. If we are clear that we are children of God, loved by our heavenly Father, our identity will be shaped by this primary relationship and we will be less susceptible to what others think of us.

Gordon T. Smith argues that for this to happen we also need to be differentiated, independent of how our parents define us so that we can find this primary definition in our relationship with God.

Smith writes:

"The fascinating field of family theory or family systems highlights the principle of differentiation. If we are to mature emotionally, vocationally and spiritually --- so that we are not shaped unduly by the criticism or praise of others, so that we are able to live by our own convictions and by our own conscience, and so that we are able to relate intimately with others and even to differ with them graciously --- we must come to a distinct and definite differentiation. The root or beginning of this is a mature separation from our parents."
(Courage & Calling, Downers Grove, Il: InterVarsity Press, 1999, p.60-61)

Smith goes on to remind us that:

"People who are well differentiated are not readily susceptible to flattery or emotional manipulation. Mostly this is the case because they are themselves; they are individuals. As such they are capable of generous service, but they know when and how to say no. Further, they are able to hold their convictions firmly without losing their capacity to learn more or to change their mind. This does not mean they are gullible; on the contrary, they are able to learn with discernment, to critically appreciate what they are hearing or reading."
(Smith, p.61)

The bible is clear about the need to love and to honour our parents. What Smith is suggesting is that to be a mature human being, we need, at some point, to move beyond being defined by our parents and other authority figures, so that we are defined primarily by who we are in God. Then and only then can we live our lives immune to emotional manipulation. Then and only then can we be free to be the person God had in mind when He created us and saved us.

"For the appeal we make does not spring from error or impure motives, nor are we trying to trick you. On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts.  You know we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask to cover up greed --- God is our witness. We were not looking for praise from any human being, not from you or anyone else, even though as apostles of Christ we could have asserted our prerogatives. Instead, we were like young children among you."
(1 Thessalonians 2:3-7 TNIV)

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Winter Malaysian Steamboat 2nd Feb

The best thing to have during winter is definitely steamboat. So last saturday, i invited my fellow malaysians over to my place for steamboat. Melissa, Nicholas, Airene, Chris with baby Ian, Jaycee, terrence, wei ling and both of us. We had a great time. The soup base was great, from "little gemus kambing" the name of a mongolian soup base from Sichuan. Trust me, it's good. I even sent those to my eldest brother in Cheras who opened a steamboat buffet restaurant at Taman Connaught, main road next to the highway. Do visit it's definitely worth it. It's eat all you want.

We had lots of food, home made recipe marinated pork chop, chicken breast, Korean beef, korean kimchi and radish, prawns, thai fish cake, Taiwanese Shacha sauce, and my Mum super yummy home made malaysian belacan.
We had a great time, eating, chatting and joking of course!Last but not least, Wei ling fried salted fish with Tauge. YUmmy!Jaycee cutting the salted fish from chinatown, which they named it salted mackarel
Oh yes, did i also mentioned the world's hottest chili.. and after you have it, you end up like a wolverine?

Most important of all, we had a great connection with each other!

My new found excitement - Make up for Black skin

My teacher, Maryellen Lamb (surname lamb) on the top left

Travelling back to time capsule, last friday, i learn about make up for black skin. As far as the eyes go, green or blueish eye shadow goes well with them. As for blush. it's super super red or plum, and on their skin, it will just be natural colour for them. The lip colur has to be coffee or chestnut coloured to stick. Oh of course, foundation. That was the tricky part too. My foundation colours were too pale for her. So i needed to borrow off from my classmate, mixed with dark brown to get the right colour.
I worked on my model. My combination of blue and green looked good on her, since she was wearing green as well. Her lips were tricky, as she has a pink lips by nature.
I enjoyed my lesson, as it gives me a sense of satisfaction in the end.

Friday, 1 February 2008

50 pence plus lots of time = magic portion

Last Saturday, after i finished my work at 1 pm. I was contemplating whether i should head home to sleep, or meet my friend Jason to catch up after one year. He could only make it for coffee at 3 pm. I thought i should head home. I walked to the tube station and changed my mind when the thought of my eyeshadow creasing every Sunday came to me.

I applied layers of eyeshadow and after few hours, you can see the horrible lines , dividing your skin and eye shadow. Yes my eyeshadow doesn't last.

So what is the solution? How do you make your eyeshadow last ? The answer is .. ....*ta da* The magic portion: Eye primer. So far, the best one around is the one by Urban decay.

The package is really like a genie in a bottle. You apply the primer before you apply your eyeshadow. The primer has two functions:

1. Your eyeshadow will stay put, it lasts from dawn to dusk
2. It will enhance the eyeshadow colour

So, for the hunger of that magic portion, i went to a southbound tube, instead of a northbound. I decided to use my "house of fraser"(a departmental store on oxford street) voucher from my wedding gifts. I had £10 voucher and the portion costs £9.50. So i walked around for hours looking for other items that i could top up, as i thought that 50 pence was not refundable. Not neccessarily 50 pence worth item, but something that i can top up with the cash, instead of letting house of fraser take away my 50 pence.
So i hang around, enjoying the scene in house of fraser:

people queueing to get their eyebrow thread, yes, instead of plucking your eyebrow, the asians pulll the thread on the eye brow and you eyebrow will get trimmed.

- Me getting a free makeup by Givenchy because they wanted to sell they £25 eyeshadow, which i am not willing to spend, but i got inspired by the colour they used on my lid

- people got tempted into buying a£75 hair straightener, yes, it works via ions and it doesn't dry your hair.

Well you can guess that enjoying doesn't take long. Desperate to not let houes of fraser take away my 50 pence change, i wander around and kept my eyes open for items that would tempt me into spending the other two £10 voucher i had. After few hours of looking and wondering how to use my £30 vouchers in total, instead of £9.50, i still didn't see anything that i like.

So after hours of walking and walking, i finally paid for my magic portion. Wa la, i was given a 50 pence change!

*Duh* if i knew it earlier, i would have left after the enjoying the view and head straight home. I finally reached home at 4 pm after spending 2 .5 hours at that departmental store, reluctant to let go of my 50 pence.

I gained my 50 pence but lost my precious time! Silly me

Is this the world we live in? 4 : Manipulation

as i have been thinking of manipulation and trying to figure out how my colleague is manipulative, i still can't come to terms that she is, although i think she is. Meaning, i can't pin point her behaviour explicitly, but i know she is manipulating everyone in the team, including myself. My another colleague said i am too nice, and i can't bear to think the worst of her. Partly true, or maybe i am just plain naive and not able to identify the subtle moves and intentions.
So what actually is manipulation? I know it's something that one does to get what she/he wants, at the expense of others. More subtly, it's about you knowing the weaknesses of others, and use that to persuade them to think the way you do. Very deep. I have yet to figure that out for myself.
I came across this, and clearly someone is able to express it much better than i do :The Art of Communication, Power and Manipulation written by Kosjenka Muk
"Often, though, there is a thin line between the conscious use of communication techniques in order to improve relations and communications, and to influence other people to do things we want them to do but which perhaps are not what they truly want to do, or, what is even more common, when they are not even aware of our intentions. "
"Promoters of the use of the art of communication who aim to control others would say that we are actually doing them good, in particular if we have succeeded in making the other person really want to behave in this way, or feel better about himself. This idea, however, is a disrespectful attitude and implies that we know what is good for that person better than he himself knows. This is an egotistical and immature viewpoint even in a parent - child relationship, and especially in relation to another adult person"

Read more HERE

Iriny photography

More photos click HERE

19th of January, i was an hour early for a wedding. So with my artifical eye, i spent 45 minutes at the underground freezing those movement. What london means to me? London means underground. Can't really separate the two.

still thinking

another editor who is involved in the same newsletter said we can't please everyone. Sometimes, a brief apology can stop the problem from getting bigger.

This leads me to think :

In life,
1. do you speak up for what is right? or
2. you say sorry to stop the problem from getting bigger, even if nothing wrong was done?
3. When you apologise, does that mean you have compromised?
4. Can you say sorry AND speak up for what is right?

Yes, in a working culture, and in customer service, when people is angry or upset, the first thing you do is to cool them down and pacify them. In those cases, an apology works best.

So, to answer the question 3 above, in such context, apology doesn't mean you have compromised. People who are angry are self-centred, they can't hear anything and nothing register. So no matter how much you stand for what you think is right, it will anger them more.

So yes to answering question 2: apology is the best pacifier. Only a person who is cool can listen and really register what you say.

Answering question 4, when the person is ready to listen, you can speak where you come from.

About question 1, sometimes i think we are hearing lesser voices that speak up for what is right and wrong. Everyone is saying it's relative. Right, according to who? Not many people stick to their conviction anymore, provided they have their own conviction in the first place.. that is...

So, the picture looks like this :
a. there is no longer an opinion or conviction anymore, people go for the latest trend and follow the crowd
b. Becaue there is no conviction and sticking to it, there is no longer any voice that speaks against it or for it.

Oh and one more thing, whether you apologise to stop the problem without justifying that it wasn't your intention to upset anyone, or you don't apologise, people will still get upset. Whatever you do, you just can't please everyone.

So what you do and your knee-jerk responses are pretty much the outflow of who you are at the core of your being and the values you hold in life.

If that someone was me, i will be empathic but i will not apologise and said that the article was incorrectly written, or said that it has been overlooked. I will say that her opinion do count, and i will take that on board. To do that, i will have to consult a third party and come to a decision.

The explanation behind why i do what i did is because ideally, i would like to stick and stand up for what i think is right. People get offended not so much because something you did. They get upset because by you doing what is right, it puts them to shame ( not referring to this incidence). The bible warns us that you will suffer for doing what is right, ( right according to God's standard).

I am honest and hence i find i can't really fit into this working culture where people do not say yes when it's a yes and no when it's a no. I can't stand hypocritical people. A smile, friends or foe? You can't really tell. I can't play this game because i am not the type of person who agrees with the rules in the first place.

Anyway, it's friday, and i have done too much reflection. Looking forward to tonight's make up lesson on black skins.

Is this the world we live in? -3

On retrospect, about yesterday, i was given a different perspective. ( note i didn't write given by whom). When someone called and is upset, doesn't mean that he/she is right. I , for one, always tend to give in or pacify that person when the person is upset or angry. But in actual fact, i am the one who is right.
Just like the incident yesterday. Someone picked up the phone call who was upset about the way it was written. In actual fact, there was nothing wrong with the way it was written. I have also verified with head of  clinical governance, who make sure the service provided by NHS is safe, said he didn't think there was anything blaming or anything wrong with the way the article was written. But instead of telling the upset lady that we will take into account what she said and seek another view, "someone" immediately apologised and said it has been overlooked and it's a learning bla bla bla.
Initially i thought this is fine, not until i was told that it's not. Why should we be apologising when it's not wrong at all? Being the position of someone, why can't the someone stand up for what it's right. By apologising, it's admitting that we have written it in the wrong way, also, in the grand scheme of things, it's the one and only complaint. The someone, after receiving one and only complaint, got panicked and edgy about it , and said we have to change the way we do things.
Is this right?
On a related note, this word "manipulation" has been on my mind. The more i observe the world around me, the more i think that human beings are just so manipulative. We have learned from experience what works and what doesn't, so we stroke and feed on what works to get what we want.
Being upset and expressive about it is one way of manipulation. For the someone who is by nature afraid of conflict and upsetting others, that definitely is the way to get through him.
Beware, we are living in a world where words have become the tool of manipulation. I was told that in the bible, the tower of babel, human beings wanted to build their own kingdom with words. It was a bit deep for me to comprehend, but slowly, it is making sense. As in my previous entries, people manipulate their words, and tell lies, to create the impression, image that they want. Their words may not be the truth. One my colleagues is playing the manipulation game. Beneath the mask of manipulation, is the thirst and hunger for power and controlling others.
Is the world telling me  that being agressive is what you need to get what you want?
Is the world telling me that manipulation is the way to climb up the ladder ?

Pharmacist corner : pregnant mare's urine

I learnt something today: hormone replacement treatment (HRT), one those hormone tablets that one takes to alleviate menopausal symptoms is made of pregnant mare's urine, the name of tablet: PREMARIN. It does rhymes doesn't it? :P
Some others,  which i called the drug company, the hormone is derived from plants.
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