Tuesday, 16 December 2008

Not WHY but HOW

as always, when illness or disaster befalls us , we always ask the Why question.. Why me.. this is unfair..
my friend, Tow Shung has said it very well..
BE encouraged friends, not why me, not blaming.. but HOW. How should i live and How should i respond ?
IT is unfair that Jesus died on the cross for sinners ... and for the love of me and you...
Received my second cycle of chemotherapy today. Tolerated the first cycle reasonably well, except for low blood counts and a minor infection. Because of that, I have not been able to do as much 'work/research' as I would have liked. Boy, was I glad when my blood counts got well enough that I could leave the house. That being said, it is COLD in Minnesota (-30F / ~-30C).

Thanks to all who have left encouraging notes in the guestbook. We appreciate all your concern and prayers.

I can't say it enough, but friends and colleagues here have been great. Due to TY's and their efforts my fridge is stocked! Making me a little lazy to do my own cooking.


A patient recently mentioned to me that it is seems life seems unfair. Despite doing all the right things, being a good person, and having lots of people praying, this patient unfortunately was progressing despite chemotherapy. Knowing that I was a cancer patient myself, they asked me how I felt about it.

I guess I believe that this earthly life is inherently unfair. It is a broken world, and we are mortals. The law of nature applies to all of us and unfortunately that includes sickness, disease, natural disasters etc.

And yet, I find it difficult to blame God, or circumstances, fate, or whatever you want to call it. Is it unfair for me to be going through this? I don't think so. If I believe that is it unfair, it is because I think that I am 'too good', and do not 'deserve' this. But I look back at my life, and count my blessings. I grew up in a relatively peaceful country, in a wonderful home, with parents/family that love me. I have never worried about my next meal, shelter, clothing, education etc. I have had the privilege of living and learning in foreign countries, and now am working/learning in a field I enjoy. I am training in, and receiving treatment in one of the most advanced cancer centers in the world. I have wonderful friends and colleagues and last but not least I am engaged to be married to the wonderful love of my life. If anything, life is indeed unfair for blessing me with so much. So how can I accept the blessings that God and life has showered on me, and yet denounce any trials that come my way as unfair? Especially when I look around me, read the news, and see how people are living here even in the 'richest' nation in the world, and even more so people living in the poor areas of africa, south america, asia etc.

I suppose that is one of the reasons I don't really believe in 'why me' questions. People who do believe that they don't deserve the hand fate has dealt them often get angry and depressed. It is difficult for them to find acceptance and move on. From my standpoint nobody deserves cancer, it is never 'fair'. I see cancer patients everyday, and have NOT seen someone who 'deserves' cancer. On the other hand, neither have I seen someone who was 'too good' to have a cancer diagnoses. So instead of focusing on how unfair things are, I focus on what I need to do each day. One small step at a time, learning to look outwards rather than inwards. Learning to count our blessings, and enjoy what we have.

Tow Shung

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