Monday, 22 December 2008


am feeling rather down, maybe it's winter, maybe it's the hormone, maybe there's some underlying issue, buried deep down that i don't want to face...
i am just escaping. Sometimes i find i anchor my psychological state of well being using entertainment, I am numbing myself, because i don't want to face reality.
After a drama series, especially the one that i just watched : 恶作剧2吻, i am quite down. It's a good series because the conversations in the drama reveal a lot about marriage and purpose of life.
i still haven't come out of that series. There is something about this series that hook me. It's the lessons and the questions that are thrown to me by watching the two lead characters in the series.
This kinda feeling reminds me of what i felt when i used to come back from a camp. After few days of fun and joy being with people and sharing,and then back to my own reality,i can feel the vacuum. 
I always wonder what the actors and actresses feel. By my observation, most of them come from single parent family or broken childhood. They do admit that deep down they hunger for love and security. 
Samme Cheng has been very honest about her own journey and now has become christian.. 
Everyone has that thirst and hunger for something that is eternal, eternal and unchanging love, a deep sense of security, of being loved by just the way we are.
A love that doesn't need to be earned. 
I am so depress... ARGH! Blame the series, blame the winter...
turning 29 tomorrow... another milestone... need to do some reflection, need my own space to think and reflect... what do i want to do? some of my friends have found they path, something they are passionate about, something they they do with their life.
At this moment, i do wish i am an actress or a MC. But the price to pay for being an actress is too big. Family and privacy is such a big price to pay.
Just something that i wish i tried when i was younger. HA... too late...

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