What would she/he think of me? As much as i think this is the question only a teenage girl or boy would think of, i admit i still have this consciousness.
At work, i care what my colleagues think of me. I am constantly trying to satisfy my manager and definitely what he thinks of me. It's a scary thought that my career somehow depends on him, or my job promotion depends on him. If i do quit, i depend on him to write a good reference for me. As much as i do not agree with this style of management and disagree with his haphazard way of dumping task on my desk instead of planning the workload for the whole team, i still have to be nice to him.
With friends, especially those that i got to know in London, this is a constant question. Getting to know new friends, afraid of misunderstanding etc..
Can i ever live my life without asking this question?
When and where can i really be myself and speak my mind? To say what i really think instead of thinking of ways to disguise my opinion?
Where is my space and my corner?
On Sunday at church, while singing the song i was touched by the lyrics. I was reminded how God , my Heavenly Father took care of me when i was an "orphan" in London. He brought angels my way to tell me He cares. He was there when i cried in my own room, He was there when i cried with loneliness on the street of London on a Friday night. He was there when i told Him my friends misunderstood me.
He was there when i told him i was hurt.
The only constant in my life was Father was there. He has always welcomed me in His arms when i know i am loved just the way i am, i am accepted the way i am. Yet He helped me to work through my weaknesses.
We also talk about not judging others with the youth in my Sunday school. At their age, they are able to give examples of how others have judge others.
I was reminded once again that it's too tiring to consciously live with the question: What woudl she/he think of me.
The more important question to ask is :
What would my Father in Heaven think of me.