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Wednesday, 17 September 2008

Pretenders in the church

I often hear other people commenting that they don't like christians because they are hypocrites. They don't walk the talk.

I second that.

I also hear from a christian telling me that she finds it hard to share in her cell group because everyone says that they are alright etcc..

My profile statement says to be human is to have weaknesses.Being into christian community is about walking along side each other and sharing the struggles together as part of the humanity. It is about experiencing humanity together. It's not about pretending i am okay, but it's about tearing that wall down and putting down the mask that we often wear.

It's about saying "no i am not fine.. i need you to walk with me, pray with me and not judge me..."

I find that i have to constantly prove my ability at work, i have to constantly shout about my skills, i have to sell myself in interviews.

I am tired of it all. I am tired of living up to expectations... not just one .. but from one to another

I want to be I AM...


As leaders in church, people has set up a certain mind frame. Pastor should be this and that... Leaders should not be this and that..

Yes... just as Paul said there's a lot of good that he wants to do.. but....

In all this, the difference between christians and non christians is in the awareness and the senses.

The closer our walk with God, the more God opens our eyes to our weaknesses and THE MORE we realise that we are So helpless. We cannot save ourselves from our own weaknesses.

The more we rely on God to transform us and work on us.

I am not perfect and i don't try to be one. But i don't stop being imperfect. I rely on God to mould me, teach me and instruct me to become like his Sons.

This is indeed a struggle for many children of God ...but it's worth it.

Quoting my favourite verse in 2 corinthians 4:16

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. 17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, 18 while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

Achievement is seen, but character is unseen.

Achievement is temporal. but character is eternal.

So for now... don't judge me and don't say negative things about me. I have heard enough of "i am not good enough.." voices... i need you to build me up and to encourage me...

I am struggling at work with promotion and increase in salary. I want so much to fight my corner.

But i will just leave on good term. I know it's all difference in perspective. In my eyes, i deserve it and in my manager's rightly or wrongly ( only God knows) i don't.

I am tired ..

taking out the money from the equation and just looking at the job itself, i don't enjoy a single bit of my job.

Until i let go and quit, i won't be able to see what's out there.. that to do that requires faith and perseverence... to find my feet

So for now.. i am taking a step back and just BE...

be vulnerable

Be God's child and be safe in my Father's arms

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