Friday, 22 August 2008

Job either breaks you or make you

i blame the hormones for my emotional upburst at work. Oh man.. so embarassing.. but no one saw it. I cried at my desk when i talked about my dilemma at work with another of my colleague. She is like my friend. I cried after moaning.
Oh i hate talking and winging about things at work. It makes me very small and very unprofessional. Still as a weak human being, i still succumb to it.
Is it that bad i asked myself? I guess it all bottles up and one day it just burst. Simmering for a while.. some days i think i can handle it and some days i can't.
I am doing 3 persons job for the past one year without any increment of pay. What do you think? To make the matter worst, my colleague told me that my manager told her that i have more capacity and i am fine when she raised her concerns about my workload.
*Ouch* so smart people like me who is efficient and fast end up with more work? while others may take more time to do the same task? Plus there is still more capacity without ANY increment of pay.
This is the final straw.. taken me for granted. When i get my PR i will definitely hand in my notice and resign. Forget about the money part, it's about enjoying what i do and have a tiny bit of satisfaction from it. Somehow something is blocking me from reaping the satisfcation to it.
I did ask myself whether my vision was full of promotion and money and thats why i have overlooked any benefit i am reaping from this. God reminded me to be faithful. For how long and faithful to who? Faithful to my manager? who promised me that he will review my pay since last year?
Should i apply my human logic wisdom here? Do i think about myself or think about my team? But i am replaceable. One year down the line no one will remembered that i have stood in and did 3 person;s job.
My manager would rather spend it on agency who got paid 10k than me and doing the same job. If i am an agency, they will say that i am a good pharmacist because i am not permanent. If i am permanent, they say that it's within the expectation and within my job description, but without any promotion or money.
I am not sure whether i should express my frustration to my manager as he is very sensitive and touchy about these things. He is  a feeler , not a thinker. Plus , i probabaly need his reference when i leave this place.
Albert said no point in saying as he may take it personally and he may get offended. So i just hand in my notice and that's it. One more month to wait ... for my PR.
well well obviously i am a loser, i am not rising up to this challenge of taking 3 persons' job and do it well. I am finding it difficult to put my heart into it and be faithful in things that i don't enjoy.
Does this job break me or make me? For now, probably the former.
Sigh.. i am so weak... i need superpower!
New York here i come.. can't wait to fly to New York tomorrow.. i have NEVER been so excited in my life for a trip before!!! New York then fly to Orlando then Miami.
I am not going to Disneyland.. i am going to DISNEYWORLD! HA HA !

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