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Wednesday, 19 March 2008

reality check check

i have been surrounded by people who is in pain, both physcially and
emotionally. My colleague took 2 months career break back to India to
be with her dad. Her dad has been diagnosed eosophageal cancer and he
needs to be tube fed.

Yesterday i went to hospital to visit my neighbour who has been
diagnosed cancer. Now the treatment is to make him comfortable.

Another of my friend, T is also persevering in his chemotherapy and
the side effects that comes in the package.

Time, i am racing against time. Although i talked to my mum about
going home and spending time with them, she asked me to think about my
next generation. Where do i want my next generation to live? Malaysia?
Hong kong? UK?

While lots of people migrate here to UK or Australia for their
children, albert and i are leaving UK for our parents. It seems like
we are going against the flow, people are moving forward and we are
going backward? Sometimes it feels like this.

Sometimes we do ask ourselves whether we fly home when someone is ill
or we need to take a career break to be a carer? Isn't that too late?
With 13 hours and time difference, will i miss a chance to even say my
last farewell if it's really at that stage?

An e-mail from my family sometimes make my heart stopped a beat. That
was how we found out about albert's brother's departure, through
e-mail. You'll just don't know when it knocks on your door.

People say home is where the heart is. I was telling albert the other
day that i eat malaysian food, dipping my food with the sambal that my
mum made. I drink malaysian coffee with carnation milk, aka evaporated
milk, which my british colleague can't imagine. "You don't know what
you're missing," was my response. I shop in malaysia/hong kong. Our
circle of friends are mainly malaysians or hong kong chinese.
Basically we never left home, except physically.

We come to a point and ask ourselves: what's the point? Apart from job
prospect and money and comfort, my heart is at home,definitely not
here. And home is where my heart is.

I don't want to wait till my parents are senile or ill that trigger me
to go home. It will be too late.

Albert wants to spend time with his mum too. Ever since we entered
adulthood , we have been away. Did my parents spend all those money on
my education so i could live abroad ? I sometimes wonder. Being
parents, they want me to think about my next generation, not about
them.

But my next generation can wait, i say....

To me, i think family should stick together ....

We can only plan.. i rely on God to make it a reality

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