It's the 7th day of Chinese New year.. so it's Yan Yat.. so happy birthday everyone.
Yesterday was very down... so i told vincent that i am dead man walking, which he later improvised to animated corpse. I quite like that term. So miserable that i cried on a quiet lane on the way to work. I can't particularly pin point any trigger.. (gosh, sounds like symptoms of depression.. ) and went into a self-pity state.
Felt better towards the end of the day. I must say having a friend to just talk about it helped. Thank God for chan chang. He did his diagnosis bit obviously.. then i came to the conclusion that i should not be "self-absorbed" but should be looking at how i can help others and make a difference. I know, Sarah Jessica Parker would probably say "it's so cliche" in her sex and the city series. But it does help not to look at me and myself and my problem.. but to look out and how i can make a difference. Somehow i really don't think my current job suits me.. but sorry to say, at this point in life, i am a slave to money and slave to UK permanent residence status. Eight more months and i can apply for PR.
On a side note, i also asked myself and others.. why do people get married. Yes, i am a thinker and i have too much time to think about these things. Albert said people get married for companionship, while some for procreation. Yesterday, i got an answer for myself. I got married because it's the school for living out Christ in "forgiving others constantly, not only seven times, but seventy times.. ", about patience and forebearing. Both imperfect beings spending their lives together is bound to have imperfect lives. But the challenge is to live with those imperfections yet not settling for it. It's about transformation of life, spurring each other to be more like Christ. Christ died in the hands of the very beings that He created and with no hatred for injustice or for those who nailed him. That is the kind of love we are talking about. To actually learn that and reflect that kind of love in our life is indeed the purpose of our lives.
To learn to love and to be loved.. is my answer to why i got married.
I picked up a book this morning and currently reading : How to learn from the bible on how to live in joy