i had my struggles. It is not by coincidence that i wrote about the "not Why? but How" entry. When crisis comes, it's not the why that needs answering, but the How.
Face with those circumstances, how should i respond? How should i still trust God that He is the creator, that everything has its time, including life and death.
I had my moments. It's so hard to swallow that some left in a sudden and others suffer in pain or illnesses. My little mind can't comprehend all this. Is there really love in hard places? Can love really permeates places where people are oppressed by corrupted leaders?
I am not NOT grateful, meaning i am grateful for the comfort i have, but that's not the point. I don't become happier when i have an apple and you don't. I can't take it in that some can choose steak or roast lamb while some has no grain at all for their whole family.
It is hard when your loved ones just "disappear" from your contact list. They are long gone. The existence just stop.
I wanted to turn my back. I wanted to lead my own life, to pursue my one comfort, success and big bungalow.
The call to follow Christ has becoming harder. Leave behind your loved ones and family and just follow Jesus, He said. But.. but... what about my dad? what about my mum? what about my comfortable bed? What about career? What about money? So and So is earning big bucks, big house.. look at me.. i am just an allied health care.
The prayer that i made 10 years ago has become more difficult to utter, Lord send me.. Lord i am yours.. I will follow you..
Today i asked myself: Really? Can i bear the cost? Am i willing?
It is indeed a challenge to live this short fleeting life on earth without chasing the comfort of this world.
Who cares about tomorrow is what a lot of people say. Who cares whether there is life and death after this life? Who cares about saving money in the bank? Just spend it when you don't even know whether you will live tomorrow.
Hedonists are around us. Feel good is all it matters in this life. The ads, the celebrities are constantly reminding us to become hedonists.Pursue happiness, as long as you are happy, who cares?
The call of Jesus becomes impossible. What? To love those who hurt me? To forgive them? To suffer for Christ?
It is indeed a hard path.
To live this life like there is tomorrow,
to believe that death is an entrance to eternity
to rest in God is love in hard places
to trust God that He will make no mistake
is indeed a challenge.
I am reminded once again that
suffering unite human beings because its universal,
prayer unite our souls because we suffer and hope together
Sufferings and prayers remind me once again that
I am merely a creature.
p/s: pls pray for us. Albert and I will be flying to HK tonight to attend the funeral on 6th of January