Monday, 29 October 2007

Blind Spot

When i first learned driving, Lewis from my church warned me that there is a blind spot on the side mirror that i should bear in mind. When i change lane, it's always better to turn my head to look rather than relying on the side mirror.
We have our blind spots too. The tragedy is this: we don't even realise that we are blind. We are blind to our own weaknesses. Once we are being confronted of our weakness, we defend and deny and blame others. It's not me, its this, it's that. Because of this and that, that's why i am like this.
I told Albert : " I don't like it because they say this and that"
Albert said : " that's because you can't see it "
Following that, my senses have been ressurected. The next subsequent few days, i picked up things about myself from another person. Coincidence? Or plain honesty from others. 
It's painful. I don't like the sight of it. I can see the ugliness in me and i wish i am blind to it. If only i could just say that's not me, i am not like that. It's my upbringing, or my attempt to be transparent and honest, i just speak my mind. What's wrong with that? I don't lie. I just say that i don't like it or i think it's wrong. Why do i have to pretend and say it's okay, or put up a sweet face when i say i don't like it. And yes, did i mention my face shows? because it's directly connected to my heart and mind?
But the reality is it's not palatable. It just doesn't work. It doesn't matter whether you are a chameleon (face colour changes accordingly) or a clown, what really matters is whether the message is received and results in a change or action from the recipient. It's about how you make the recipient get your message. Once people get defensive, there is already a mental block and the rest will just bounce back, straight to your face.
Well there is truth in it, i admit. I am in the learning process, how to say something more palatable, that the listener doesn't feel the spikes. 
 Still, it doesn't detract from the fact that i hate two-faced people! As chinese idiom says there's sword in their laughter.
Right now i feel like a Porcupine, full of spikes and imperfection. Please hug me!

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