Wednesday, 5 September 2007

My own struggle

Last week i spoke about how easy it is to conform to the pressure of this life, than to commit in following Christ.
My struggle is similar. Job satisfaction aside, most of my friends/peers are more financially stable than mine. Most of my high school mates are in finance or corporate banks.
It has also to do with the malaysians that i meet here in London. Obviously, the ones that i met are those who arer good or smart enough to be employed by the city and hence able to stay in the country. So in away, there is a selection bias already. Hence, it's not a surprise that these are the people i meet.
Sometimes i feel very small. I am earning my normal average salary, not making big difference in the world, not enjoying my work at all, and i work extra sometimes. I would like to own a restaurant, but i don't know how. I would like to study other subjects in university, but i have to work. If only i have more, i could have done more.
But each time i fall at the foot of the cross, i am being reminded that i don't find my significance in my possession of my wealth. It's hard to be living my normal life, with a normal job, and the small potato in my company, where no one knows me. My job reminds me that i don't live for my job. There is a lot more to it.
I am honest about my struggles with God and God speak to me once again, to focus to what really matters in life, is the relationship with Him and his people. I don't live like others do because i have a different priorities than them. It's difficult to stay on track while others prosper and not having to think twice to secure a business class flight while i have to count every penny. I live like that because i know that all these possession is not mine, i am merely a steward. I want to be a faithful steward of God.
When i see God face to face, after my physical death, i want to hear God says  : "Come in , o my good and faithful servant, come and feast with me.. "
I don't live for this world, for this world is not my home, i live for eternity , in the presence of God, which is where my home is, which is where my heart is.

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