Been quite busy and tired lately, both physically, emotionally and spiritually. The question of "what am i doing here, or why am i living" "nothing to look forward to life, except heaven" has become very real.
A great sense of emptiness, mingled with sense of meaningless towards the life that i am living. No joy or whatsoever, although i know i am blessed with material and spiritual possession, but it's not hitting me. I know the "know you are blessed", or "it-could-be-worst" slogan" but so what? There is no joy within.
I have money, but i don't find joy in spending my money, I have a job but i don't find joy in working. I have a church but i am not in a fellowship, or rather i don' t have prayer partner. I don't have a deep supportive fellowship in church. I have friends but i don't know who to go to when i really wanna share something deep. At times i am lonely and i miss my parents and my family. I am serving but i could be more passionate.
This is what i am going through....
I don't have anything to look forward to in this life, sometimes i think i am better off in heaven. Don't worry i am not going to kill myself or have any suicidal thoughts.
I just do not have a strong enough reason to press on and live. Everything is "alright.. okay" .. just plain motion of existing.