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Tuesday, 25 September 2007

Existence

Been quite busy and tired lately, both physically, emotionally and spiritually. The question of "what am i doing here, or why am i living" "nothing to look forward to life, except heaven" has become very real.

A great sense of emptiness, mingled with sense of meaningless towards the life that i am living. No joy or whatsoever, although i know i am blessed with material and spiritual possession, but it's not hitting me. I know the "know you are blessed", or "it-could-be-worst" slogan" but so what? There is no joy within.

I have money, but i don't find joy in spending my money, I have a job but i don't find joy in working. I have a church but i am not in a fellowship, or rather i don' t have prayer partner. I don't have a deep supportive fellowship in church. I have friends but i don't know who to go to when i really wanna share something deep. At times i am lonely and i miss my parents and my family. I am serving but i could be more passionate.

This is what i am going through....

I don't have anything to look forward to in this life, sometimes i think i am better off in heaven. Don't worry i am not going to kill myself or have any suicidal thoughts.

I just do not have a strong enough reason to press on and live. Everything is "alright.. okay" .. just plain motion of existing.

1 comment:

  1. Life is precious, so don't waste our time. You probably could leave something completely if you don't have passion on it. You might find the meaning, purpose after the dettaching process and want to be attached to something you really want.

    ReplyDelete

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