Monday, 20 August 2007

On choosing mate/observing personality

One of the main question many people ask when i was about to get married was : "how do you know he is the one?" .
I don't really know he is the one or not, i just didn't find any reason not to marry him. Everything was just so natural , and marriage seemed like the logical step. Partly because albert and I was the at age of wanting to commit ourselves into a marriage even before we met each other.
We shared the same passion for God, for his people and same interest : eating, helping people settle in London etc. 
The other major factor was his personality. Chinese idiom says, mountain may change , but not personalities. When he turned up at my doorstep with a 5kg of rice, two packets of big fat noodles and chinese green vegetables, when my mum was visiting me, i know that he is a kind, helpful and thoughful man. He knew that i was without a car, and my mum needed some staple diet like rice, and there's no way i could carry a 5kg of rice from the shop to my house. He did that without me asking.
He treats his friends and other students who came over to London the same, not only me. That's because that is him.
From that act, along with others, i know he is a kind and thoughtful man.
So how do we know the character of the spouse?
Observe his/her reaction to events. I wrote in my previous entry that life is 10% events, and 90% to our response to it.
His/her reactions tell us his priorities, values, attitudes. My philosophy is that behind every behaviour/decision, there is an underlying value system. That value system tell us a lot about that person's priorities deep within his core. That is wisdom. I pray to God for wisdom, the revelation comes from him.
I have in the past met some man where i wasn't sure about my feelings and i just prayed to God to show me. The following few weeks, that was a simple act that that man did, and it just put me off completely. Guess what was it? He threw rubbish on the street. Well, that could be nothing major to you, but it mattered a lot to me. I can't stand that.
When problem comes, does he/she grumble and complain? Does he/she blame everything but never him/herself? Doe he/she seek to learn from error and mistakes, or he/she only point fingers and hold grudges on those around him/her?
Does he/she live in the past hurt, never moved on from that?
I have always hold that view, even with those people around me. I don't judge them , but having that knowing about my colleagues, or my manager, or my friends,  i become more forgiving, not blaming or hating them for their behaviour, just seeing the need to pray for them, for they do not "see" the way to live from past hurt and are trapped in the imperfection of this world.
So that's my two cents worth to share with you.
One's response and reaction to events reveal his priorities and values.

1 comment:

  1. Glad to hear that :) Can't wait to meet up with you at the end of the year to hear more from you...


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