Tuesday, 24 July 2007

Low battery

"I'm a cyborg, but that's okay"

I watched a Korean movie entitled: "I am a cyborg, but that's okay". The setting was in a psychiatric ward , where the girl thinks she is a cyborg, hence she doesn't need to eat. She runs on battery. When her battery is low, her nails will go pink( mainly due to hallucination). So she will charge herself up by placing two fingers on two ends of a alkaline batteries. Simple plot where she falls in love with another psychiatric man on the ward.
I am not the only one who is running on low bat at work place. In fact, this term came up from my conversation with another colleague of mine. I am in a small department called Medicine Management team. A head, 3 pharmacists, one data analyst and one pharmacy project facilitator. All 3 of us used to be equal, until she decided to be the lead for community pharmacy. As mentioned earlier, even though she had an upgrade in pay and title and everything else, we all share in all the projects in community pharmacy: smoking cessation, medicine use reviews, health promotion, contract monitoring, repeat dispensing, pharmacy flu clinic, all training days for pharmacists at night where we have to stay back. One year has gone since this went on, it's enough. So both me and W voiced it to our manager. Our jobs were prescribing advisor for GPs, this is something we took on by default. No consultation whatever, It just landed on our desks. This is not right, our job description only says support, what we did were obviously more than support.
So all 3 (data analyst and another pharmacist and me) of us have been actively looking for other opportunities. Yes, low morale, not appreciated. Data analyst made her mark by an internal opportunities. W , went for an interview at Chelsea and he got it. Unfortunateyly, it's a 12 months secondment. And that also, depend on what our service director says. Sometimes i think, these people making a decision that affects our life. Scary thought.
All of us had lunch at a park today. W said he is running on low battery, with minimum threshold, because he is not learning anything new, not developing and no financial incentive. Interestingly, my another pharmacist colleague who work is in the same grade in another oganisation called me twice today to moan about the same thing. Same complaints.
Me too, i am looking for a way out. I hope all 3 of us leave this department almost at the same time. I must admit i feel like them.. I sometimes think maybe as a child of God, i should have a better attitude, like, we work for God, so whatever we do , we should do it with a willing heart and with joy. Unfortunately, i am weak, a poor weak soul, who can't "do all things without grumbling or complaining.. and i don't shine like stars in a crooked generation" verse from Philippians 2:14 Sorry God, i am so weak and lost.
Say a little prayer for me, i am drowning...i am not worried, i know the little me is in God's big hand. I just need to discover and find out where is my next place... it's time to move on.. i can't waste my life away ... i can offer more than what my job requires of me, currently. Mainly i think it doesn't suit an extrovert like me.Coincidentally , i have a pharmacy owner telling me that i am too smart for my job and i need to take risk else where. NHS, adminstration, paper work, writing guidelines.. yes i can do all those.. but i will enjoy more if i am having a chat with a patient on what good does the white tablet do her..


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