Monday, 23 July 2007

Are you listening?

I did it. My heart was racing, voice was shaky, was going to tear any minute... yeah.. don't know why i am a bit emotional.. but i did it.
I had a one to one session with my manager, yes, my voice was heard, and my message got through.
Since one of my colleague decided to take the lead of community pharmacy, she got an upgrade, that's fine, the problem is my job description only state support pharmacy, as the main role is to support GPs. However, since the restructuring last year, even though my collegue got upgrade and increased of pay, she didn't have the capacity of doing it all, so the tasks and projects have been divided or rather shared among all 3 of us.
This mean my job description and my pay is not reflecting my increased roles and responsibilities. My job has evolved since i interviewed for this job. So i told my manager, he agreed, after much heated response from him. But i was firm, i laid my facts well. Whatever he said, i wrote down the key point and responded to the points one by one.
There's no doubt that i have strong observational skill and able to see the big picture. I also rightly pointed out this lead confusion. What does it mean to be lead? I told him my confusion, how can i write the proposal, and other paperwork, when i am the lead, but i am not the one who feed back on the progress of my project but my colleague? That's not fair. I am the hand, but the voice and the face is someone else. I pointed out that the other team doesn't work like that. When one is lead, in order to learn the skills of project management skills, one should see the whole process through. This doesn't make sense. Each project should have a specific project manager for that particular project, and not having a dummy lead when some other is cherry picking.
I also stood up to the fact that if Agenda for Change panel, which is the panel that match my job with responsibilities and pay do not see my increased responsibilites should justify more pay, i will not touch on any projects on community pharmacy, because it's not right.
I am not being calculative or anything, but work should flow within a clear framework in roles and responsibilites.
I also requested that i would like to be given opportunity to line manage other. I was the name lead for enteral nutrition project. But again, the same trend appeared. My colleague, the one who is the lead of community pharmacy and deputy, somehow got involved. Before i know it, she is managing a dietition who is involved in implementing the enteral nutrion guideline in GP practices, a 6 months secondment project. I voiced my dissatisfactioin. I was not consulted or anything. My manager blamed me for not voicing it when it happened. I said clearly that i was informed, the decision was made without involving me. That's not right. So i have been side lined, even though i am the name lead.
Then he evaded the issue by saying that they needed someone who is experience to line manage that person for 6 months. I said we are coming back to the chicken and egg issue. When my colleague first manage a grade 7, she didn't have prior experience too. Everyone need to start somewhere. Moreover this is merely a 6 months secondment project, isnt that the best place for me to get my teeth in?
I have to admit it wasn't a straight forward case, but i did it. In all fairness, it's about team work. It's not fair that me and the other colleague share the workload of my colleague decided to get an upgrade by taking on community pharmacy lead and then share the workload with us.
So now, i am going to re-draft my job description and submit for review. If there is no change, that's it, i am leaving. I am not taking this. Of course, i have to pray that if God's plan for me to stay in a) NHS, b) Pharmacy... i am not sure. I am searching for job satisfaction. My friends who know me well will say : you changing job again? Or considering a change of career again?
Yes i am .. i won't give up until i find a job that gives me at least enough satisfaction for me to want to spend at least 1/3 of my life.
Oh Lord, please guide me and show me the path that i should walk. Please give me peace that surpassess all understanding and peace that does not depend on circumstances. Hold my hand Lord, for i am lost. I place my hope in You, Lord, i just want to live for you. Please encourage me and open my eyes, to see your blessing upon my life. Please give me the joy of salvation and let me rejoice in You Lord.Amen.

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