Monday, 25 June 2007

Why can't you get it?

Yesterday, I had this conversation with L, who is around my age and is married to a Taiwanese. She said that it’s obvious that men are different from women, but the sticking point is, man has low tolerance towards women when women just “don’t get it”. As something is so obvious to them, they don’t understand why the others just don’t “see “ it.

“So, it’s a man thing huh? Not just my husband”, I replied to L. “What a relief!”

It doesn’t feel good when others are being impatient to you when you just can’t understand or slow to perceive what seem to be so obvious to them.

My husband is smart, well, he is, we did IQ test together, and he scored about 130. He is a N in Myers Brigg, intuitive, which means he is very good as abstract, imaginative, concepts, sees the forest, instead of trees. While I, am a S, sensor, I am very good with details, facts, data, live by my five senses, sees the trees instead of forest.

So, coming to the story, he knows how to cut his hair. He normally trims his own hair, and he leaves the last bit where he can’t reach, to me. But me, being an S, I just don’t know how to cut his hair, especially the back. He told me the concept, never cut straight and chop the hair, but always 45 degree. I can’t imagine what could be, so I failed again. I just cut his in a straight line, from left to right, and that leaves him s “coconut hairstyle”. It looks horrible. Plus I use a normal scissors. He was frustrated because he just can’t understand why I can’t grasp the concept of hair cutting. He said he never learnt hair dressing, he just observed what the hair dressers did and he just “get it”. His frustration affects me as well. Because I also can’t understand why can’t he be patient with me, as I just haven’t grasped the skills, something that seems so obvious to him may not be obvious to me. Each of us just has different strength.

Having said that, this morning, the role reversed, this time between me and my colleague. I can’t stand my colleague, can’t stand working with him. We are working on the search strategy on prescribing audit. We were meant to write all the steps involved in search strategies for the software used by the GPs. To be honest, he annoys me a lot! Because he just doesn’t get it. Whether is shared, included or excluded , what should be included and excluded, what are we really including in our search. In the end, I have to pick up all his pieces, and consequently it’s been delayed. I lost it. I showed my frustration , my tone, my facial expression, my impatience. I know he is not happy with it, but I am clearly annoyed by his lack of perception. Why can’t he just understand if we include 100mcg and 200 mcg of steroid inhaler, and not put an age limit, it will defeat the purpose of us wanting to search for children who are on high dose of steroid inhaler? Sounds familiar?

As i spoke with my colleague in my frustration, this verse came to me :
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love, Ephesian 4:2
All those theories and how I should be patient to him were floating in my mind asI talked to him in my unfriendly tone, but I can’t hold my frustration. *Geram*

So one day, I was the victim, the other, I victimised others. How familiar! I shouldn’t be treating others the way I do not wish to be treated. I am not there yet, I admit my weaknesses, and I am still learning to be
“completely gentle and humble, be patient, bearing with one another in love! Including my colleague.

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