At this hour, 24 minutes pass midnight, i feel very down. I feel the pinch of being forgetten, being betrayed.
How relevant was my last week sermon on 'Remembering God in the good times and the hard times", about How we are so easily to be Gold fish, with 3 seconds memory. One minute we cling to God and seek for help and the other minute, we cut off the history that we once have.
The same applies to human relationship and business partnership.
Two months ago, i was invited to be part of a Gp surgery partnership, 20% of profit with my 10 hours per week effort of managing a GP surgery. This GP is about to retire, he is looking for a GP to take his place. So he was looking. Since he has my interest into this matter, i helped him look for a candidate.
Last two weeks, before i went to HK for my holidays, i found him a good canditate. He likes her, compared to the previous one that i recommended.
Tonight, i received an e-mail from this GP that there is no next step to discuss. There is an issue about "Conflict of interest and ethical ground" because i work for the government arm that monitor GP's performance. They may be a conflict of interest for me being a partner in the GP surgery and yet working with the government that manage GP's performance. As a result, i suggested my husband to be the partner of this surgery, in place of me. I also checked with my organisation that my husband's dealings with the surgery will not be a conflict of interest.
The outcome is, i received an e-mail from this GP that there is nothing more to discuss and they just wanted a straightforward partnership, implicitly saying that i am being excluded from the entire partnership.
Such a reality from the Word of God that i shared last week in my sermon. It is the nature of human beings to forget. When one forget, one will betray. Israelites forgotten about their Saviour who took them out of slavery in Egypt, they forgot the love and provision of God in the desert where there was no water, food, full of scorpions and snakes. WHen they entered into a land full of honey, and olives, and iron and copper, when they become wealthy and prosperous, they betrayed God by breaking their promise with God and worshipped other God, some worshipped themselves and said " It's my hand that produce all this wealth", but it's God that blessed them.
How real, How true. Another very good example is that the Hong Kong drama has a theme in their plot, where the poor young man who later became rich, would deny his poor neighbours who helped him when he was poor. He denied his association with them because of pride. His status now is in no need of his poor neighbours.
A classic illustration of Fragile relationship where it was built on interest. When there was no interest for any of the party, there was no relationship.
"There is no next step to discuss... says my ex-business partner.., "We just want a straightforward full partnerhip" implying there is no need for me anymore, i have no value to them anymore. They have forgotten my help in making it happen. I was the one who introduced this salaried GP in becoming the new owner of this New GP surgery. This salaried GP has tried her opportunities elsewhere but in vain. She was looking but she doesn't have the network that i do. I know one third of the GPs in this areal.I know that's going on with them. I know people that she doesn't. I knows things that she doesn't.I was the one who called her, and gave her this possibility. Now she has it. Now this Retiring GP found her, whom i have brought to him.
Now they don't want me.
It hurts. Chinese has a saying that you drop your glasses when something unexpected happen. My glasses dropped. Have i been too naive? NO. I knew there is such possibility, but i gave my best. I choose to trust the retiring GP.I choose not to undermine the outcome by this possibility.
But it hurts. It hurts to be betrayed. It hurts to be forgotten. It hurts not to be wanted, Not to be involved in the plan.
God feels it too, the magnitude being magnified infinitelY.
It hurts him much more to see that His love is being trashed in a bin.
His heart breaks when we forget about him. When we rise up every morning and take for granted the free oxygen, the sun that never fails every single day, the rain etc..
It hurts him not to be wanted, Not to be involved in our plans.
The fools and the pride say there is no need of God, YET forgotten that it's GOd who gave them the BREATH and the FREE flow of Oxygen to even say that!
How sad, How true, How real are the words of God.
The true nature of human being is clearly written in the Bible.
Don't say you haven't been told, Don't say you haven't been warned.
I feel the pinch but i don't loose hope. I trust that My God has the best interest in me.
I am disappointed not because of the outcome that i have been excluded. I am disappointed because they excluded me before me telling them about the confirmation that there is no conflict of interest here. They already decided to kick me out even before I checked with my organisation.
They excluded me before the verdict.
They already intended to exclude me, that was just an excuse.
No thank Yous, No sorries, No appreciation for all my hard work, my meetings at night, my phone calls, my emotions, my hopes, and my trust in him for giving me that 20% share of the profit when i find him his replacement.
I was just cut off like that.
God must ache too.when we have no thank yous, no sorries for him. We just cut him off from our lives, we shut his face, but we are enjoying the gifts from His hands.
I tear, i cry, i am disappointed, but i don't loose hope.
God will only give me the best and i trust that He knows the best. He has the bird's-eye view of everything, He knows what is in a man's heart. I don't.
Like i mentioned, it's always a win-win situation for the child of God.
I am beginning to feel what He feels, on a much smaller scale of course. But it's good. I see how real god's words are. I see how, by learning more about God's word, i see the nature of human beings in God's word. It happened two thousand years ago, it's still happening now.
At this hour, i feel alive, i feel the reality of living in a broken world yet comforted by the reality of God's love for me.
Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. 2Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God
7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.
8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;
9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.
16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal
2 Corinthians chapter 4
Praise the Lord!