My Friday was hectic.. and My friday reflection is "CHOICES, do not regret after you've made them, face it bravely and make friends with the choices you made "
I started the day by making the wrong choice, nothing major, just being philosophical about it. I started my day with Starbucks. I made the wrong choice: i chose Cinnamon Swirl over Blueberry Muffin( the one that Seow Yan and i used to have each time we were at Starbucks). I thought, since i am having Cinnamon Macchiato coffee, cinnamon swirl will go very well. Spent my hard-earned £4 on it. I even went all the way to basement in my office to heat that bun. Well, turned out to be a major disappointment! The Macchiato was sweet already, to begin with, and the cinnamon swirl is super- sweet. I couldn't eat anymore, so i was still hungry. Oh, how much i regret choosing that cinnamon bun over blueberry muffin. Choices choices.. i don't like making them, because i don't like the feeling of facing the consequences of wrong choices, including choosing the wrong food on the menu.
The rest of the day was fidgetting about how to prepare for my job interview and e-mailing people to talk about the job, as the two key person who is interviewing are on my floor and we have worked together before. Unfortunately, their schedule is so full that they can't spare 10 minutes with me. So Monday is going to be manic. I am going to talk to 4 people regarding the job, two person who is going to interview the candidate, one current job holder, and one who has recently gone through interview for another job. Thank God they all are on my floor and sit pretty close to me.
Things are beginning to fall into place and i believe that my Father in Heaven engineer every circumstances in my life.
I have been thinking about the sermon i am going to speak about day and night. The topic is "Word of God", so broad. I called my best friend, Mee ling in KL and she immediately pray for me on the phone. Such peace, strength and comfort i have from her prayer. I have been thinking :why am i so nervous?. I am just a mouth piece.. this is what i am going to say to the church " God has something to tell you today.. This is what He wants me to say to you.. " how hard is that? Am i nervous because i am putting things in my own hands? I am a mouth piece, and i have to trust God that He will anoint me with His spirit and power because He is a God who speaks. He choose to speak through prophets and ministers, and sometimes he choose to speak to us individually when we are willing to listen. So i have to be attentive to listen to His voice and stop being nervous. It's God's word, it's His work, i am just a vessel.
I still want to say i am very excited and very very happy for this honour to be able to preach.. my every first sermon. It's sooner than i thought. Even though i have always wanted to be a pastor, but God gave this to me to by surprise. I am not a pastor but He gave me this opportunity to serve him and honour His Word. My church does not allow female to preach, so God gave me the opportunity to preach in other places. Wow.. God really pampers me. As John Piper famous quote: "God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him".I feel so loved, the Mighty All powerful God cares about the feeble fragile finite me.
He tells me that i am not just randomly here because two people just happen to give birth to me.
"Before I formed you in the womb i knew you, before you were born i set you apart" Jeremiah 1:5
He tells me that i am not just randomly breathing and existing.
He tells me that He has a plan for me, not to harm me, but to give me hope and future. He can be found when i seek Him with all my heart. (Jeremiah 29:11)
He is not a God who sits high up there and unreachable. He speaks and He reveals Himself to those who long to see him.
I am overwhelmed by this Joy, it's like a fountain me. I am just so excited.
I am not Randomly made. Even a watch or a top that i wear is not randomly made. The watchmaker designed, there are fashion designers, and there are manufacturers who make them. Moreover me, and my destiny. God has a plan for everyone of us. I trust Him with my Life.
I am not randomly made, i am in the Hands of a loving Father who has a plan for me, not to harm me, but to give me future and hope.
Faith, Hope, Love.
In moments like this, i miss home. I miss sharing my joy with my close friends in Malaysia. I miss sharing my joy with friends who share the same depth of passion. I miss Mee Ling, Sonia, Kia meng.Friends whom i have history with. This is the main reason why i miss home. My friendship here is quite superficial, mainly because i have a lot on my plate, with limited time and effort to build relationships.
I miss close christian friends here in London, the endless hours of just sharing our Great our God is, of observing the world in parallel with the promises in Bible, of discussing Christian writers, classic and modern, and their thoughts, of knowing we are not alone in our struggles, of praying for church, each other and the world. I miss that... truly..
I miss that assurance that my random thoughts are not random afterall.
"You have made known to me the path of life, you will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasure at your right hand"Psalm 16:11