Wednesday, 21 March 2007

Miss Grumpy

You know how kids are. They want candy, and they want it N.O.W. They will create a scene in a public place or they will cry their heart out, as if the candy n.o.w. is crucial for survival.

Twenty years later, we no longer call kids. We have moved on, or so we think. We have this thing call "self-control". We (would like to think) that we have matured. Have we really?

Yes, we no longer cry and kick for candies. But we want other "candies", now. Think for a second, observe. Drivers on the road, at the junction, at traffic jam, at the slower queue in supermakets. We may not demand candies as we used to, but we want things now. Could be the food that we ordered from restaurant. We become grumpy when the food arrive late, or when the cashier is taking his/her sweet time, or the car in front of us are crawling on the road.

We become impatient when we have to wait.
I , for one, have problem with waiting. Waiting for bus, waiting in a queue. I can't wait, full stop. I hate waiting. The worst about waiting is there is nothing you can do to shorten the wait. The problem i have with waiting is this ethos of policy of stay put and not doing anything.

I am in the transition, i am in the waiting moments. Waiting for a way out for my career, waiting for my 5 years to mature to apply for a permanent residence. Till then, i have to wait for the ticking of the clock. I am not comfortable and i become sour and grumpy.

I have been super grumpy these few days. Not only grumpy, but grumpy with poisonous venom released from my mouth. I am so serious and quiet that it came as a shock to my colleagues, as compared to the usual "Miss sunshine/chatty". We had our own team meeting this morning, led by the deputy head, Ms A, whom i often blogged about. I just couldn't take it anymore, and i just lost it. I snapped at her. We were in the midst of discussing how we should work on a excel sheet, no brainer really. Ms A just went on and on, loud and on full speed. I was quiet, while the frustration was brewing inside me. Then, it reached the boiling point. I opened my mouth and spoke in a soft voice : " You need to calm down and you are a bit loud.." I took over the dicussion and agreed on the essential. My heart was beating while i took over the discussion. I remained silent for the rest of the meeting.

I felt bad for being snappy. I was very blunt. Well the irony of it was,when i felt ulgy and mean for telling the truth, i shared my feelings with my colleague and she something very profound

" Irene, some people tell the truth everyday, some people tell the truth once in a while. You feel bad because you are one of those who tell the truth once in a while.You shouldn't feel bad. It's just one of those days"

What can i say? Despite all this, i still feel bad. I could have done it in a joking manner, or less tense about it, where the message still get across.

Well.. it comes with experience i guess. I am too "raw" in this communication school.

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