Tuesday, 6 March 2007
I love myself too much
Life is such a contradiction. On Sunday, when i taught the teenagers in my church on Genesis chapter 2: Adam and Eve. I asked them, are men good? Some said yes, some said no, some said half half. Are human beings evil? half half. I used an analogy of shattered pieces of mirror to illustrate. In the beginning , everything was good. No jealousy, no selfishness.
I think that what makes life on earth so challenging. To love someone is to accept everything about him/her. The good, the not-so-good. I am learning to be a wife, and my husband is learning to be a husband. We are both learning to communicate. I can't never fathom why this simple process of sender-message-recipient can becomes so complicated.
With all these classes both of us have, it has been such a long time since i cooked a proper meal. I spent my Saturdays and Sundays evening defrosting bones for soup, deskinning chicken thigh, marinating mince pork, chopping garlic. Yesterday, i cooked 3 dishes and 1 soup. It was definitely super super hard work. I now appreciate my mum so much! She cooked 3-4 dishes everyday, and i seldom( or never) help her!
The irony was, in spite of all my effort to cook something decent and to please my husband, my husband didn't want me to exhaust myself at all! Out of his kindness, he said , you don't have to spend so much time doing this as he doesn't want to see me ended up being grumpy. From my pesrpective, i don't mind cooking it, but he has to eat it. When he didn't, i was unhappy
So this really makes you think, doesn't it?
Did i really cook because i want to and i love to? Or do i cook with strings attached. Ideally, assuming i am 100% good, i will cook and not be offended if he make any comments on my food, nor get angry when he chooses not to eat the food and resolved to plain porridge and pickled olives. I wasn't happy when he made comments because my ego was hurt. I got angry when the first thing he said was " i wasn't using the right method to steam the chicken". Why? Because i wanted him to say something nice to me, praising my effort and hardwork. I am just so full of myself. When that didn't happened, i snapped at him. I turn sour. All i could see was Irene with a BIG "I". Since "I" spent so much effort preparing and cook, you MUST eat it, and only compliments from your mouth. So it seems like i am doing something very loving, for the benefit of others. But actually i love myself more. I want to hear you say that i am a good cook, i am a nice person.
I guess to love someone is to give him/her the freedom of choice.
Galatians 5: 19-26 The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other
Human beings are a mixture of good and evil. We have the physical body and we have the personality. Now it makes sense to me what it means to be transformed into the image of God.
God is love. So to be transformed into His image is to be more loving. Love, Faith, Hope, but the greatest is love.