I remember when i was in my sweet 17. I was in love with a guy 5 years older, but it was long distance. He was in UK. I waited for him to call. "It could be every minute," i told myself. Hence, i dared not walk away from the telephone, i dared not leave my room(phone in my room). That went on for for a good few weeks. I was always waiting for the his next visit. I was always waiting for those moments where i could tell him how i felt, how much i missed him, how often i think of him, how i could hardly sleep when he didn't call.
I could never forget those waiting moments. It wasn't a pleasant experience for me.
Let's just put it this way: Waiting was painful for me.
Another example closer to home, if you are about to pay in a supermarket, say Tesco, which queue would you choose? The shortest one. Even with the shortest queue, i will do a head count. One less head count, i will quickly change my queue. Sometimes the cashier has some query on the prices and that delays everyone else. I then become very impatient, complaining why is this cashier so incompetent etc...
In this day and age, we are used to "microwave" everything. We microwave our meals. When we go to restaurant, we complain when it takes longer than expected. We microwave our banking system, i now rely on internet banking, relying on amazon to order my books. The list goes on.
Have you realised that sometimes we microwave our relationship and friendship as well? We tend to gel with people whom we can click straightaway. We want to connect to people with same frequency. We seldom spend time with those who needs longer to warm up. "She is too quiet, she only reponses by one or two words after my long story, " we say. We move on or mingle with someone else. We are reluctant to spend time to get to know people more. Our instinct is to want to know all there is to know about a person in the shortest period of time
As for partner in life, we microwave our relationship. We expect them to change their behaviour overnight( ideally). Waiting for them to change slowly, or giving them the space for them to change at their own space, requires a lot of patience on our part.
Today, before going online for my daily read on God's word. I asked God ;" What am i doing here? Am i wasting my life in this job, doing mundane jobs just to kill time and ££ of course. Should i go for some pastoral training now? Or go to full time theological bibal seminary? Why not now? Have i missed the calling? "
Well well.. sometimes God answers much sooner than i expected. I proceed to my routine reading on the paragraphs below
It's the same message when one of the christian sister prayed for me : Wait. Be patience Irene. The time will come, but according to God's watch, not yours.
Why Can I Not Follow You Now?
Peter said to Him, ’Lord, why can I not follow You now?’ —John 13:37
There are times when you can’t understand why you cannot do what you want to do. When God brings a time of waiting, and appears to be unresponsive, don’t fill it with busyness, just wait. The time of waiting may come to teach you the meaning of sanctification— to be set apart from sin and made holy— or it may come after the process of sanctification has begun to teach you what service means. Never run before God gives you His direction. If you have the slightest doubt, then He is not guiding. Whenever there is doubt— wait.
At first you may see clearly what God’s will is— the severance of a friendship, the breaking off of a business relationship, or something else you feel is distinctly God’s will for you to do. But never act on the impulse of that feeling. If you do, you will cause difficult situations to arise which will take years to untangle. Wait for God’s timing and He will do it without any heartache or disappointment. When it is a question of the providential will of God, wait for God to move.
Peter did not wait for God. He predicted in his own mind where the test would come, and it came where he did not expect it. "I will lay down my life for Your sake." Peter’s statement was honest but ignorant. "Jesus answered him, ’ . . . the rooster shall not crow till you have denied Me three times’ " John 13:38 This was said with a deeper knowledge of Peter than Peter had of himself. He could not follow Jesus because he did not know himself or his own capabilities well enough. Natural devotion may be enough to attract us to Jesus, to make us feel His irresistible charm, but it will never make us disciples. Natural devotion will deny Jesus, always falling short of what it means to truly follow Him.