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Wednesday, 31 May 2006

Oh! i hit the "wood" again



In my life, a lot of knowing only comes after i have made a mistake, or in cantonese, hitting the wood.
I am saying this in reference to my job. Firstly, i was not inducted properly. You know , those induction that happens on your first day or week. Not organised at all. Similar to my previous hospital. Not enough information was given and everyone work on an assumption platform.
Examples, easily.. #1: Leave carried forward

Background information:
NHS is the biggest organistion in UK. All public hospitals in UK are NHS. Hence, if an employee changes her job from one NHS organisation to another, she can bring her remaining annual leave with her to the next employee, or chooses to get paid for the remaining leave. If she get paid, there will be no leave remaining when she moves to the next job.Financial year starts every April.

Irene's case:
My annual leave is 27 working days from april to March next year. When i started the job last October, i was entitled 14 days, but i took 20 days (which means borrowed 6 days from following year). I informed my manager that i will be taking my annual leave from date X to date Y. It was approved.

Assumption 1: They assumed that my 6 days were carried from my previous job. When i applied for my unpaid leave this April (new financial year), they were shocked to see that i am entitled to 21 this year, because they assummed that my previous 5 days were brought forward from my previous employee, which i didn't because i chose to get paid . I wasn't happy. My manager clearly showed me that he wasn't pleased.

No. 1: They assumed i brought forward from my previous employee, they didn't ask or clarify with me when i applied for leave
No. 2: I didn't know that i could carry forward, i heard about it, but i wasn't given clear instruction or guidance that i could do so. I didn't know they , by default assummed that i brought forward from my previous job.
No. 3: He said if he knew i was borrowing my leave from next year, he wouldn't have approved it . Conversely, for argument sake, if i knew he wouldn't approve, i wouldn't have booked my holidays and flight.
No. 4: I assumed he knew that i borrowed next year's leave because he approved my annual leave application

Outcome: now i know.. i wasn't happy about this whole thing.. clearly being a manager, getting paid so much more than me, and bein gin NHS for 17 years.. there is no excuse. They have the responsibility to clarify the entitlement of annual leave, whether any leave brought forward from previous job. They said they will make sure this will take place for future employee. Wa la.. that is management for me. Typical example of better flow of system in place after something happen or after somone hit the wood.

Scenario 2: Sick leave
I am sick today, i woke up and queued for GP appointment and wow.. what a surprise(!),receptionist told me no more appointment left for the day.

Background information: one can either book an appointment through the phone to see a GP and you will be given an appointment TWO weeks later (for assummed non-urgent cases,) or if you want to see your doctor This very day, you will have to queue up before 8 am in front of the GP practice to try your luck. If you are lucky, you will get to see your GP the same day morning. If not, you will be like me... the lady in front of me took the last morning appointment.

I called the data analyst of my team that i would like to take sick leave before i went for the GP queue at 8 am. I am at home now, resting.. i checked my work email from home.. and guess what?
My manager emailed me with a red exclamation mark next to the mail, ie with high importance.
First line, hope you are feeling better.. hmnn not bad... good i like it
Second line: in future, can you call me as your line manager. All staff need to ring their line manager in first instance if calling in sick.

*ouch* The wood hit me.

I had this conversation with my colleague the other day about sick leave, because i dont know the procedure in this organisation. She said i could call my manager's PA or ring Miss T, our data analyst, she will then inform my manager's PA. Well, i rung Miss T.. and you know what? that is not the right thing to do!

Well, i hit the wood again... hmnn it all has to do with induction? maybe i am a bimbo .... guess what? my manager is not always in his office....if he is, he will be somewhere having meeting.. this is the first time he gave me his mobile number. .PLUS ... sometimes they work from home (too !)

That;s my interesting workplace for you.. thanks for listening

My family members are arrived last night, all out there in central london etc.. and here i am staying at home and typing this..... making best use of my solitude.... *cough cough*
my lips are like sausages, colour: bright red, my dad asked me first thing this morning is i have applied lipstick. I told him no, i am "heaty" chinese slang.
That's all for today.. need 2 litres of H20..

maybe i should call in sick tomorrow too huh? ha ha .. no, i wont do it... my code of conduct is bound by a book... i truly didn't feel well this morning when i woke up...

Friday, 26 May 2006

Tears- God's gift

who designed tears? why do we cry? The first thing that we all did when we came to this world was to cry. Doctors and midwives make sure babies cry by patting them, if they don't they will further investigate.....

I am a person who tears easily, genetic disposition from my mum. There were many instances in my life that i wish i didn't tear in front of people. On one account, on a hospital ward, a nurse confronted me and blamed that pharmacy staff made mistake, but in fact it was the doctor's! Tyical scenario i have to say, everyone worship the doctors, except the pharmacist, because they are the only one who question doctor's prescribing habit when it comes to doses, indication, side effects..etc...as with all things, there is always some good ones and erm.. well the not-so-good ones.. Back to my story, that nurse's voice and tone intimidated me and the next thing i knew, i teared! I tear when i am very upset and irritated. So embarassing! In this world, tears symbolise weakness. My ego will not allow myself to show my weaknesses , but time and again, i come to realise that healing and strength comes after weakness. As with all diseases, treatment plan can only be made after the diagnosis.

Most of the people i know will always put up their best, especially at work place. The value of human beings tends to be determined by one's ability, intelligence and contribution to the society. Following this argument, we should abolish all the not-so-capable people, and the not-so-intelligent people from our human race. What do we do with the blind, the deaf, the disabled? We don't see them on the street often, do we?

Unfortunately, i don't live by this code of conduct. God's word in the bible teaches me to visit the orphan and care for the poor and sick. It's so easy and tempting to judge a book by its cover. Just a simple observation of our conversations with friends will prove this. That woman is hot, she is not so pretty but yeah.. oh well nice... that man is short and hmn.. he has small eyes and flat nose and thick glasses... I admit i am one of the statistics at times and i am reminding myself to look beyond.

I had a tearful day.. i didn't stop myself from crying because i know the relief will follow. I thank God for tears, it's a form of relief, just like rainbow after rain.

I was very pressured about my Japan Visa, initially when i booked the package tour from Malaysia, i was told that the travel agent will apply for me. Now that it's cancelled, i was told that i could only apply when i am in Malaysia in person. I was too busy with other aspect of the wedding preparation and this item is one of those that has been left out from the loop.

I called Japan embassy in London and was told it takes 7 days. I panicked. Next monday is bank holiday, that leaves me with 30th of May.. it take 5 working days, meaning my trip to France on 5th of June with my whole family may be affected. Discussion about this bring the following gut response from the listener:"Why didn't you do it earlier? " To be honest, this is not pleasant to my ears. I don't want to hear this kinda retrospective comment.. all these "should haves" irritate me. It's like telling a boy that he is a boy. Being in a panick situation, this is the last thing i want to hear.

I admit i didn't do it earlier, because i have overlooked this matter,so what? i am not perfect, no one is... so why can't you overlook my mistake as much as i overlook yours? For your information, this applies to everyone, including my friends. My colleagues discuss about the imperfection of the deputy head of medicine management who sits opposite me.. i told them : no one is perfect, we should look at her good qualities. We are not perfect ourselves....

Btw, our hk package tour was just confirmed two days ago, before that, we were not even sure we were going to japan for sure, or other countries, or even Kota Kinabalu. Well as you can expect what follows, the rest of the conversation didn't go down very well.. *sigh*

Went to Japan embassy first thing in the morning, only to find out that i needed more evidence and documentation, eg employment letter written within the last 3 months, itinerary in English.. come one i joined the package tour is in cantonese... another few phone calls to HK to request for english letter of confirmation, time difference, ppl closing shop etc... and of course, as you would have imagine.. i am not flying to Japan straight from UK, the guy from embassy said in a very British Way: " have you not heard of direct flights?" *ahem* That didn't go down very well..
Hence, i need to show him my air ticket from Uk to KL, and emailed my travel agent to confirm my flights from KL to HK this morning and asked her to mail me the letter, plus rushing back to my office, wrote a confirmation letter on my employment and chased after my manager for his signature, PLUS translating the itinerary..... PLUS worrying about me not able to receive the passport in time for my trip to France.

One phone call from Albert who suggested the option of cancelling this whole trip, better loosing the deposit of �200 pounds than the whole tour. WHAT? i exclaimed... he called me while i was in the midst of preparing all this ...Another comment from him that i have not been doing anything about this... i will stop here... ...

another phone call to the embassy, explained my situation, he gave me a good news... i can bring him a photocopy of my passport and i can have the passport to france, and to collect the visa when i back with my passport.

Went back to the embassy in the afternoon with all the documents and after few checks with his manager, done...

7 pm .. exactly 24 hours from yesterday interesting conversation on the same topic.. with the blaming game...

i am relieved... and my eyes are dry...

But as what i wrote yesterday, weeping may remain , but joy comes with the morning.. i am seeing the rainbow..

Thursday, 25 May 2006

abandon and forsaken



today is a very special day.. i remembered how i felt when i first arrived London. Walking on the street, no close friends... one thought came to me : if anything happen to me, no one will know. Who am i? so insignificant in this whole universe, or should i say galaxy.

I come to believe that the worst feeling in the world is being forsaken. When i was in primary school, my classmates boycotted me. They sneered at me and laughed at me. That left a mark in my emotional well being.At that age, my diary is full of entries of not having any friends, and no one to play with.

As i grow older, i was surprised that there are people who wants to be my friends. Having said that, it has not always been a smooth journey. Hence, i chose to have penpals. I wrote religiously to my penpals and spent endless hours on IRC, talking to people that i didn't know. I felt safe, being vulnerable and weak to these strangers. I am just the way i am. Why? why do people want me to behave the way they want me to? I wasn't willing to conform. I was rebellious, i have my own opinion and i stick to it. I spoke my mind and i didn't care.

Then, i grow older.. now, as i work , i realise that this behaviour will not get me anywhere. I have to be diplomatic, eventhough i disagree, i have to still nod and smile. I am not as strong as i used to. I can't speak my mind and no longer can be as honest as i used to.

Today, i feel abandoned... time and again, i want to proof that i have friends , true friends, i have to keep reminding myself that i do have friends that i can talk to..........
Now , at this moment, i take comfort in this:
"You shall no more be termed Forsaken, and your land shall no more be termed Desolate;
but you shall be called My delight is in her, and your land Married;
For the LORD DELIGHTS IN YOU....
As the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.
Isaiah 62:4-5

Why do you believe in Jesus? Why are you a christian, people ask me. Only the sick needs doctor. Many people say religion is a crutch, well i admit i am weak and the only unchanging anchor of my life is my God. A God who delights in me , who never leave me nor forsake me.

Today, i choose this lifestyle, a lifestyle of choosing to open my eyes to the God of miracle, choosing to experience the delight and the love that He has for me.. which will take eternity....

Today is a special day.... a day of remembering my moments of abandonment, and a day of rejoicing over the truth that my God delights in me.

his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
Psalm 30:15

Wednesday, 24 May 2006

Wedding Prep 4- honeysun

don't know why people call it honeymoon, i decided to call it honeysun ha !

Update on my honeymoon trip, as mentioned earlier, we decided to go for something that is secure. In the end, we found out about hokkaido trip that leaves from HK, so in end, we signed up for package tour organised by HK travel agent. Bought ticket just from msia to hk, then joined hk tour to hokkaido for 5 days.

As in the bible, all things work for good ... everything is a blessing, just that sometimes in disguise. God is good, all the time.

Going to hk is a good option because we can have dinner with Albert's family.
yummy ....

Why? Why do i marry?

Why are you so like that? Why do you talk to me like that? No, i didn't.. yes you did.. are you trying to imply something? No, i didn't say it... etc....

What is the point of being with someone who is totally different from you? i no longer can fly when i wish to, and run when i wish to.. i can't just do things my way now... why? why marry? etc....

Met up with Debbie, Yue siew, shuwen and tai yan last Saturday.. all my seconday school friends. Debbie from Malaysia stopped over in London and we decided to meet up. Lots of old days gossips. who was with who, who was the hot chick or the handsome hunk.. different people definitely has different taste! no doubt about that.. then....

towards the end of our conversation, I was asked why did I marry Albert... long pause.... another pause... they felt awkward that I took so long to think yet without any answers. Another pause... Debbie said we are stepping on wafer thin ice , which I didn't get it.

I went home and thought about this question, the following day, I went to Wai kea's blog to read about the entry that she wrote previously on why people get married. Marrying Albert has been so natural in our relationship that I didn't really sit down and came up with a list of eloquent answers. Debbie said, some people married because of companionship, some because they want babies etc...some because of love, ready for commitment, of course a handful because of Lust..

I asked my colleague the next day the same question. She said commitment and union. Wow.. bingo ! She being a strong and religious Indian said that without commitment to one person for the whole life, human beings are like animals, having sex with one partner after the other. To her, such behaviour seems more like lust than love. She was being asked by her friend why marry, it's just a piece of paper. She replied: if it's a piece of paper, why don't you marry? I know this is very contentious , but up to this stage, what I have been writing it as descriptive, ie I am writing about the conversation that we had. She said that eventhough people often say about that piece of paper, but surely there is much more than the piece of paper. It's about commitment that not many are willing. People love pleasure but not willing to pay the price of commitment.

To be honest, I don't know what has become to our human race now.. people no longer care about right and wrong, they only care about how to make themselves feel good. I do this because I feel like it. Everyone is behaving according to their own standard, freedom freedom on their lips. They worship themselves. We no longer value virtue but we have given birth to feel-good community. You don't have to look far, advertisements, tv, magazines, newspaper .. look good feel good that is the purpose of living.. *sigh* *sad*

John piper wrote in his book :
The Minneapolis Star-Tribune (23 October 1997, A18) carried Mary McCarty's review of Joan Brumberg's book, The Body Project. The book is about the difference between how girls saw themselves one hundred years ago and how they see themselves at the end of twentieth century. Her conclusion: In the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, girls' diaries focused on good works and perfecting the character. In the 1990s, the diaries are fixated on good looks, on perfecting the body.

For example, one diary from 1892 says resolved to think before speaking. To work seriously. To be self-restrained in conversations and actions. To be dignified. Contrast this with an entry from 1982: I will try to make myself better in any way I possibly can with the help of my budget and baby-sitting money. I will lose weight, get new lenses, already got new haircut, good makeup, new clothes and accessories.

Consider the shift of focus from good works to good looks
Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness (1 timothy 2:9-10)

Your adornment must not be merely external- braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry , or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God (1 peter 3:3-4,6,)

Yes, I have digressed.,.. Coming back to my own question : why do I marry Albert? Commitment and union. My conviction is that my Heavenly Father is a god of commitment because he loves me and he never leave nor forsake me, in romans 8

31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died.more than that, who was raised to life is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."[l] 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I want to learn to love like Christ, sacrificial and committed. To experience it and to live it out. My heavenly father is committed to me and albert, and the meaning of 2 becoming one.. and in unity we will serve our God.

Wedding prep 3- Food !!


How can we leave this behind?The love of Food… the thing that unite me and Albert.. .. alright, one of the many factors.. La

we arranged a food tasting night with 3 other couples from the church who are getting married this year (Of course, plus many many many more couples in the world.. ) Nothing to shout about, catering finger food, which mostly include Sandwiches, british staple lunch ( yeah, I know it's sad ! ) ..but I want to go on and on about the hard work and stress I went through to feed 200 people. I came to a point where I said :look like it's not my party, I am organising a party to feed 200 people , keep them full and happy.It's for them, not for myself.

Many many months ago, we tried to look for a caterer because we are having the buffet in church in the afternoon. Unlike Malaysia, where everything is done for you in a package, it's different over here. We couldn't find anyone .. and that was in February. I was unhappy and stressed,.. so my housemate who is very keen to cook said she is willing to help. However, we have a problem, few problems I mean. Our wedding co-ordinator, who is very experienced suggested only cold food because there is insufficient time to heat up all the food on that morning with the kitchen in the church. I personally prefer hot food, but due to circumstances.

Second reason, my friend who is great in cooking, is not a professional caterer, hence not able to transport all the food on the actual day, PLUS the fridge in the church is not huge.. imagine.. food for 200 people with 10 dishes.So we prayed that God will send people our way. The british caterer is not an option, the food is not great, and being Chinese, I don't think my guests will enjoy them.

God is never late, He is always ON time.. finally few days ago, Sammie introduced me to a Malaysian chef who owns two Chinese restaurant who is willing to cook for us, the most important bonus: he can deliver all the food on that actual day. We ordered prawns, thai salad, spare ribs, fried mee hun, fried fish balls.... the idea is to keep it light yet enough.. wedding ceremony starts at 1 pm.. waiting for his quotation. As for my housemate, she will be preparing Sushi and agar-agar and maybe chicken wings. I have three caterers now, samosa, vegetable spring rolls and kebab from Indian caterer for the vegetarians, main dishes from the Malaysian caterer and sushi from my housemates.

It sounds very last minute.. but trust me, it wasn't last minute.. it's hard to find caterer who caters yummy food in London plus the logistic of transportation.

How I wish I can feed 200 people with 5 loaves and 2 fishes....hmnn...miracles...

Thursday, 18 May 2006

Precious Moments


Albert always reminded me that we have to capture the moments.This very moment.. so precious, once it's gone, it's gone.

As i prepared for my wedding and invite my friends, well i attempt to invite ALL my friends whom i knew since 3 years old... a lot of memories flooded my mind.. all those moments of laughter, doing silly things, playing basketball, and even shouting at each other...
That is the reason why i keep a blog, to capture all those moments into words and photos.. and Karen has put it nicely in her own words " Going through the motions of carving out the essence of the moment, crafting it into words & pictures and sharing it with other..."

At this moment, i feel connected. Connected when i write on the blog,connected when all my Primary school friends, SRJK(c) Chung Kwok as Sui yee put it, connects with me via e-mail. In the midst of preparing for this wedding, i discover more about myself, i enjoy being in fellowship with others, i don't mind the hard work of staying in touch with friends.

Friends are hard to come by, especially friends who know you and accept the way you are.

God has been very generous with me and i am eternally grateful.

Thank you for sharing all those moments with me. Seow Yan who has introduced blogger to me in the year of 2001 and since have been reading it and others who has been encouraging me... wai kea, yue siew, rachel, kaye.. thank you..

Wedding Prep 2-Invitation Card


Well.. following up on the invitation Card..from my previous post, guess what? After all that, we didn’t have to reprint . Recap from last story, the invitation card had a preposition error : request the honour of your presence TO our wedding ceremony, instead of AT, second eror was the time, it was 11am, but we wanted 12noon. That was when we were in KL.

Now that we are back in London, we met with our wedding co-ordinator, which commented that 11 am will leave no time for the groom to pick up the bride from the house, incld. all the “torture” and laughter . Hence, we decided we should have it at 1pm. Wa la.. after all that, we decided to use our wedding invitation card, with a negligible preposition mistake on it. So, there is no need to reprint and spend money.

There you go… talk about wedding stress.. oops… wrong word, challenges i mean *grin*

Tuesday, 16 May 2006

Japan HOO-Ha


Surpise surprise ! I did a search on dictionary.com and there is such word as hoo- ha . Well well, another juicy story from me ..

Albert and I decided to go to Japan, Hokkaido to be exact for our honeymoon, so we have joined a tour packages from KL . We thought by joining the tour we can truly relax and in the hope of less disagreement of course. So I happily told my friends we are going to j.a.p.a.n with a big grin on my face.

Then, it transpired that they have not gather enough people to organise the trip! They can only have this trip when there is at least 15 people on the tour, and so far, they only have 4, including us !!! plus more exclamation mark !!!!

They can only confirm with us on the 27th of May.

Hmnn, not bad not bad, exactly what I wanted for my honeymoon … to be honest, we haven’t come up with a contingency plan yet. My mum asked me to pray hard. I will just leave it into God’s hand. I know He is good all the time. I am not bothered by it. I just need to think of a second destination, maybe Kota Kinabalu with Air Asia? Will I get a good deal?

We will see, will keep you posted.

Are you Fresh for Everything?


Fresh sandwich?


From Ostwald Chamber
http://www.rbc.org/utmost/index.php?day=20&month=01

Jesus answered and said to him, ’Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he
Sometimes we are fresh and eager to attend a prayer meeting, but do we feel that same freshness for such mundane tasks as polishing shoes?

Being born again by the Spirit is an unmistakable work of God, as mysterious as the wind, and as surprising as God Himself. We don’t know where it begins— it is hidden away in the depths of our soul. Being born again from above is an enduring, perpetual, and eternal beginning. It provides a freshness all the time in thinking, talking, and living— a continual surprise of the life of God. Staleness is an indication that something in our lives is out of step with God. We say to ourselves, "I have to do this thing or it will never get done." That is the first sign of staleness. Do we feel fresh this very moment or are we stale, frantically searching our minds for something to do? Freshness is not the result of obedience; it comes from the Holy Spirit. Obedience keeps us "in the light as He is in the light . . ." (1 John 1:7).

Jealously guard your relationship with God. Jesus prayed "that they may be one just as We are one"-with nothing in between (John 17:22). Keep your whole life continually open to Jesus Christ. Don’t pretend to be open with Him. Are you drawing your life from any source other than God Himself? If you are depending on something else as your source of freshness and strength, you will not realize when His power is gone.

Being born of the Spirit means much more than we usually think. It gives us new vision and keeps us absolutely fresh for everything through the never-ending supply of the life of God.

Friday, 12 May 2006

My Wedding invitation website

My first website .... with geocities...
have a look
with reply form.. bravo..
so proud of myself..
achieved a milestone in me being a computer Geel

Circle of Happiness

I thought of this in the bus..
Image this cycle :The first starts with one person being unhappy-> then he heard a good news of his friend, pregnant, married, met someone special, won a lottery etc-> he is very happy for his friend====> end product : He is =) happy + PLUS his friends felt that he shared his joy, He too become happier than he was when he was at the beginning of the cycle

does it make sense?
Conclusion : to me, i am happied when i am sharing other people's joy... like what adrian said, when he helped out in his friends wedding, he told the bridegroom that he enjoys his wedding much more than his own.

I am very happy for Violet , wai kea and Ai wei... =) i am excited for them, much more than my own wedding.. ha ha

Thursday, 11 May 2006

Miracle



Let's do some equation here : One ovum + One sperm =?
= zygote (One cell) plus Division
= embryo (more cells )
=tissue
=an organ
=more organs
=?

Count Down

One month from today I will be panicking, wearing heavy long white dress, plenty of chemicals on my face… reminds me of the pain a geisha has to go through … and I will be smiling all the time and have to act pretty ha ha !

Ai wei asked me whether I am excited about my wedding. Answer: NO. I am in the midst of organising a lot of details, details, from how the cake should look like, icing or fresh cream, what colour, order from where, to do we have enough napkins. Oh I forgot to mention, I just learned that 200 napkins for 200 guests is not enough!

I changed the background of my blog, just in case you haven’t noticed. Which do you prefer? Black or white? Wish life is that simple….

Wednesday, 3 May 2006

Contidnue from Dead Meat

The best that yet to happen is the following morning, woke up.. then i was told not to have any second opinion and just follow whatever Albert has decide about the discussion of wedding invitation card with the photographer. I wasn't happy, i showed my face. Then, conversation started.... then... i lost my temper... when i was blamed that i was the one who made the mistake , who changed the "at" to "to" ... i just lost it.. i raised my voice, and i cried.. and i talked, and i cried at the same time... the conversation continued.. before i knew it... the fire was burning between us...i was very upset... i was very sad... AGAIN... it's all my fault.. i hate that feeling.. of not doing the "SHOULD HAVE" ... I HATE IT... as if i was the only cause when things happen... i don't like being the scapegoat... and i hate getting blamed... Another thing that irritates me between our interaction is he will ask me to make a decision, i speak my mind and he will follow my decision because he thinks by doing so he is showing his love towards me, eventhough he doesn't like or agree with my decision. Then when the consequences of my decision turned out nasty, he will say that the decision is not right. Eventhough he didn't blame me (according to him), i get upset because to me, it's impossible to separate me from the decision that i make. How can he comment on the decision that i make without giving me the impression that he is blaming me? According to him, he is only referring to the decision , not me. To me, they mean the same. In the end, i also lost my temper and said don't ever ask me to make decision anymore. I hate making decision anyway, being the youngest in the family, i don't have to make a lot of decision. I am definitely not good at making them anyway... and most of the time i regret my decision. All of this came in .. that morning... and.... *BOOM*.... volcano...

i walked away... told him that i needed to be alone....

i went away and reflect... it's all part of journey... learning .. man and woman.. totally different creature... that explain the bible.. two becoming one.. really a lesson for the whole life.. unity? two different creature being united? I, for a start, has plenty to learn.

Conclusion: i shall not speak when i am angry, i should just keep my big mouth shut... whenever i speak when i am angry, i will get emotional, and i will cry and i will trigger and provoke the listener...


Let my words be few... and speak when i am in my right mind... la

Outcome: we discover another major error in our 200 wedding invitation card: not only is the preposition , but the time!!!! so in the end, we corrected everything and painfully had to pay for the printing cost..
WEDDING.. i only want to go through it once.. no more second time please.. :P

What an eventful 24 hours in KL..

outcome: i am sick now, with fever and sore throat.. too much to take in for my body too !

please help me

please click on the link and help me discover myself more...

Click click

Tuesday, 2 May 2006

Dead Meat

Ever wondered how much can happen within 24 hours? Well hit me straight on the 29th of April, in KL when I arrived from Sydney.

6am: We arrived at 5 am at KLIA, was about to buy the KLIA express train to sentral, RM 70 for two, then I thought taking a taxi home for up to RM 100 is still reasonable, send us straight to my doorstep. Wanted to take the limousine, long queue, stepped out and a man waved and offered us… He was dressed in coat and a name tag, well, he has the official license to cari makan in KLIA, so I trusted him, told him my location and he offered RM 80. Good deal, so I agreed.

Followed him to arrival, still thinking that he was bringing us to his car or taxi, only to realise that he waved at the taxi driver at the arrival place. First driver, he told him my location, he refused. Second driver, agreed. Pitched black , 6 am. Taxi driver paid the man in coat some money. After 20 minutes in the taxi, the taxi driver asked me where in KL do I want to go. I asked him what does he mean by that? He answered: puduraya or bukit bintang. I told him my exact location. He was surprised, he said that man only told him KL, but didn’t tell my house location at all. I panicked ! Still dark, in the middle of highway.. what if he is ruthless and decided to dump me and Albert halfway ? I offered him RM 100. He kept quiet.

He then drove us via cheras highway. I asked him the reason. He said he will go to federal highway, then via jalan kuching. That is so far! I told him off and asked him to go via 1 utama, kepong then my house. He sensed that I was afraid , he asked me to look at his registration number. He kept on complain that the route that I suggested was very far. I had to be watchful throughout the whole journey. I couldn’t relax at all. I regretted my decision. I one thing I hate about KL is deception.

7am : we reached home. I wanted to swallow my word to give him RM 80, since he didn’t know how to go to my house and acted as if he knows! The correct route was via SG buloh. Albert said give him Rm 100 anyway. He looked surprise and smiled. Told my mum about it and she asked me to take the express to sentral straight away. Albert wasn’t happy and we had slight argument. He wasn’t happy that I changed my mind at the point of buying KLIA Express ticket and he assumed that I have taken the taxi before. To me, the price is still reasonable, but I just hated the deception!!!

First Conflict and tension between me and Albert.

Had breakfast, and went to have a nap

2pm: Woke up, at lunch, Albert would like to have a look at twin tower. Alright, took my car license, started my mum’s car and left the house. In less than 5 minutes, *Bang* at the junction near my house, I drove into, yes I drove into a car which was parked on the left hand side of the main road. I turned left at the junction and knocked the car . To begin with, I didn’t place my “stirling” lock properly, it was stucked on my left foot and I decided to put it in place with my left foot, not realising that I wasn’t looking at the road *duh*. I just knocked that car and well… I was shaking. Another disaster of the day. Called my parent, they came. Two kids and one adult in the car. Note: the car wasn’t moving at all.

Loss of confidence, and loss of money. Drove to a garange at Taman Ehsan, get the price quoted and paid RM 350 for the victim. My mum’s car, need another few hundred ringgit. Left signal light gone, and major dent.

Albert wasn't happy as he was on the passenger seat and i hit the car on the left...

*Sigh* Speechless… stayed at home for the rest of the day .. too much to take in for a day, especially when I just stepped into KL. Well, i thought that is it.. how much more "Unexpected not-so-good thing can happen within 24 hours?... hmnn The best is yet to come...

10pm : Received 200 invitation card which was printed on the same day, meant for us to bring it back to London .. then.... only to realise that there is error on the invitation card. Albert was Very unhappy... that was an error on the preposition which read like this: we would like to request the honour of your presence To our wedding blah blah,,, which was meant to me AT...
Albert thought i changed it.. as prior to this, we had a discussion whether it should be at or to... we agreed to AT. He thought i was the one who made the changes, but the truth was, my mum changed it because the KL invitation card was TO ... a wedding dinner.. my mum didn;t realise she made changes on the London invitation card to...

outcome: Major tension between us.. i personally dont think we need to reprint the whole thing which will cost another RM 600...

The best is yet to come... Sunday morning 9 am...

will continue tomorrow

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