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Friday, 24 March 2006

eyes to see

i am reminded at this very moment to SEE the spoken and Unspoken needs of those around me , the eyes to see beyond the appreance, to standby those who feels lonely, to love those who needs them , to care ..
read this from my friend's blog : opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference

Beware of your boredom .. Awas

Do you feel bored? my friend wrote a very good analysis of this emotion here "Discourse on boring on march 11 06  : click click

Dream

Went to GP practice, to do training on Repeat Dispensing.Mr. M, a community pharmacist asked about my new job in PCT.. etc... good learning different thing, still pursuing my dream.. which i don't have one at the moment, Mr. M replied " You know what? i am 60 and i still haven't found one, when you actually have one, you are probably dead" Well, life is a journey and each step is a process... and life will unfolds itself as time goes. That ,  i truly believe.. i have to learn to take one step at a time and stop asking myself, what would i be in 5 years time, like how they always ask the candidates in the interview.

buzz buzz

Been super busy this week, meeting friends, my ex-colleagues, niina, meiling and bernadine. Nice and funny bunch, same age range, all pharmacist, one has joined the medics last academic year, enjoying herself.. good times... is my job more than paying my bills? Mei ling asked.. well err... okay.. i answered. Told them about the stories that happened, including those juicy ones that i wrote in here. They laughed. Mei ling asked me to consider working for london transport, tube driver, same salary as me currently, work 4 days, rest 4 days, more holidays, easy job, just dangerous, when bomb happens. hmnn.. worth a thought? neh... can't breathe in those air in the undergroung and come home with black black nostrils. HA! is money everything? NO..

Flying back to KL coming Tuesday. I CAN'T WAIT, i repeat I CAN'T WAIT.. plenty of things to do, wedding gown, print invitation cards, look for wedding favour, etc.. not time to meet anyone.. 3 days to do them all.. then . .sunny sdyney here i come .. ngek ngek 

I underestimated yoga!

Went to yoga last week, it's called Ashtanga Yoga, the high power one, and that was my first yoga lesson in years. Outcome: every single muscles in my body sore !! especially the back, shoulders, hips. Could hardly walk! for three whole days. Can't believe it ! No running on the threadmill, not much sweating, not much panting, gasping for breath, YET end up aching for three whole days.
Yesterday went to this lesson called Body Balance, a combination of Tai Chi, Pilate and Yoga. . Today, i am aching as well!!! must be the tai chi! haha . go on laugh at me. my thighs, my shoulders, my triceps.. good, i feel alive ! it will be another 3 days before i can go to the gym again...

Tuesday, 21 March 2006

They are people around you, you know !

 A lot has happened today and my calmness has been stolen away.  I am not happy,I know, advises are meant to be good for me. I just don’t like to be told off… it’s my pride… and also I feel ashame =((

Found out about the politics at my workplace, I am so innocent and gullible, as Andrew Cheng always said. Miss A tried very hard to keep Miss S ‘s job, as her contract runs out in March. I just found out that Miss A did that so that she can get higher paY as Miss A manages only one staff, which is Miss S. Miss S knows that, but I didn’t. So i finally found the hidden agenda.

I find that few people in my team has been overpaid, including me, while our lovely data analyst, Miss T works like a donkey, yet get less paid and no appreciation. No one likes to be told off, no one likes being screamed at, or even being shown faces from others. Miss A’s tone of voice intimidate me, which I totally can accept , since we are all imperfect. Her presence in my life definitely gives me a constant reminder of alternate ways of communication. As Albert said, sometimes my high pitch  voice provoke his emotion, eventhough i wasn't angry.

 

Second thoughts : what I do affect others ! I was ashamed  of myself, insensitive toward others. Not too late I hope. I can’t be so self-centred, I need to change. No longer a child. Adult, too many decisions to make and too much price to pay for the wrong ones. I don’t like this…. Change is good, only when others do not have to do extra work for the change that you proposed. Story: I find that the old version of the audit template is lengthy and woolly. I decided to make it more concise and precise. Result, my colleague Miss A didn’t like it, because if I changed it, all of the audits that they do have to be changed. Moreover, I will be on annual leave for the whole month of April. She was right. In the end, I changed all of my format and back to normal. I don’t want they to curse me while I am away.

 

Third thing : I spend too much time on the phone. Aiks… sometimes I do call home when I am in the office  mar. Aiks aiks.. have to watch my back.. to many eyes and spies…

 

Argghhhh .. one of those days.. !!!

Friday, 17 March 2006

wasting my life....

yeah, been wasting my life in hk soap drama, been watching and vegetating on old drama series called "kum zhi yuk yi" this week. All women were trying their best to win the emperor's heart, survival of the "fittest", more like survival of the "wicked". A very good reflection of the world we leave in. Who can judge a person heart? who knows what is in their heart?
in bible, Book of Jeremiah 17:9
The heart is deceitful above all things
       and beyond cure.
       Who can understand it?
Proverbs 21:1-3 All a man's ways seem right to him, but the LORD weighs the heart
1 Samuel 16:7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
The word of God make sense to me 

Tuesday, 14 March 2006

Philip Yancey's " What 147 elk taught me about prayer"

Read Philip Yancey's article last Wednesday and was inspired to spend a blocked, uninterrupted time with God. Planned to do it first things in the morning.
Thursday morning: Attempt failed due to laziness and sleepiness
Friday morning: attempt failed due to late night on Thursday
Saturday morning: finally managed to have the time with God.
Sat in the living room, lots of issues came to mind, started talking to God with my thoughts: my career, my passion about wanting to help the poor and sick, yet not doing anything of the above now, my church ministry direction, how to translate Jesus Christ into my daily life and to my friends, What does it mean to love God and love others ?What does it mean to feel what God feel, to love what God love, Should i be a pastor? Should i be a nurse so that i have more contact with the poor and sick? Should i ba a dentist? Should i be a doctor? Where are the poor and the sick? My passion is to pray for the sick and encourage the broken-hearted with the word of God.How can i have relationship with them? I feel lost, i feel that my life is meaningless.. ....I am not doing the things i would like to do.
       That went one for about 30 minutes
Had an urge to read Ecclesiastes chapter 3:
A Time for Everything
 1 There is a time for everything,
       and a season for every activity under heaven:

 2 a time to be born and a time to die,
       a time to plant and a time to uproot,

 3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
       a time to tear down and a time to build,

 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
       a time to mourn and a time to dance,

 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
       a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

 6 a time to search and a time to give up,
       a time to keep and a time to throw away,

 7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
       a time to be silent and a time to speak,

 8 a time to love and a time to hate,
       a time for war and a time for peace.

When i read the passage, it didn't connect with my issues.Then , i decided to map out my thoughts and jot down on paper. Then. it made sense!!

There is time for everything!!! Eventhough i am not doing what i wish to do, eventhough i am just so lost now, eventhough i feel my life is wasting away, it doesn't matter!

I don't have to be the hero of the world. I just need to open my eyes and see the need around me, and live out the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,goodness,faithfulness, gentleness and self-control in all my dealings with people: colleagues, friends, ex-colleagues, family, strangers, the bus driver, shop keeper, cashier at Sainsbury etc.

Yes!!! I was in cloud 9 ! God spoke to me! I went away fulfilled.

 

Friday, 10 March 2006

you must take a look at this

My colleague, Wajid shared about one of cardiac rehab patient he met this morning.
Check this out, he took all those photos
 

Thursday, 9 March 2006

Hair Cut anyone?

No Joke!

I must tell you what happened yesterday, I cut albert’s hair!!!

Albert has been complaining that he needs a hair cut badly. So I volunteered, eventhough I had no past experience or qualification. I was surprised that he was willing to take the risk. I was excited, had a scissors on my right hand, and the comb on the left. Worked on the hair near the neck.. but ALAS¬!!!!! Disaster!! It wasn’t straight at all, Have you seen artwork done by a kid? Where they cut a straightline with their scissors without following a straighline? His hair was like that! No kidding. I was scared. It looked ugly. After the straight line attempt, I needed to layer his hair, albert taught me how to do it, but I told him I don’t dare to cut it. He was frustrated. “What? You decided to quit and leave my hair like that?” The project ended.

I searched on the google “how to cut hair” or “ instructions on cutting hair” attempt failed.

I feel like enrolling myself and start learning. It amazes me how hairdressers manage to have different hairstyles while I struggled even to cut the hair short!!!

Albert went to Chinatown today to get his hair cut. He said the hairdresser will laugh at him. I replied : “Just tell them that you have a friend who is learning how to cut the hair”

Go on, laugh at me.

 

Wednesday, 8 March 2006

Money. clothes and respect

Last sunday school, we talked about physical needs, mental needs and spiritual needs and which are essential. Tifanny a ten year-old girl, who goes to private school in london, costing £10,000 per year for school fees with lots and lots of money, she can buy lots of clothes and will gain respect.
We laughed...
I was thinking to myself, what kind of influence did she receive from her parents and peer...not denying the need for money, my uncle said it's it's all down to cents and dollars.
hmnn...

Words of Encouragement

-Quote by Joshua, my Harvester team members

one of my life principles- it is better to say a word of encouragement or
praise than a word to criticise...cuz then the world will become so
beautiful...sigh...also the reason why I m so soft

Tuesday, 7 March 2006

"Love

does not consist

in gazing at

each other
but in looking
together

in the same

direction."
- Antoine De Saint-Exupéry

Monday, 6 March 2006

been thinking

been thinking.. is this world all that it is? waiting for death the moment i was born? since i came here naked, and i will leave this world naked. If everything is transient, why do i care? Why do people strive so hard? trying to achieve those that cannot last? Is there hope in this broken ugly world? where there is so much evil? if this world is all that is for me, why do i care people die of hunger? or injustice? or a girl being rapped, stabbed, killed and chopped into pieces? If this world is all that is for me, i can do what i want, so can you, so what use is the law and so-called common good? if there is no Superior Authority, why is killing wrong? why is cheating wrong? or do you think it's right? we are all equal, am i obliged to obey law? who gives the government or police the authority? We paid him with our taxes. What am i living for ? if this world is all that it is for me? What is the point of working, and earning lots of money, eat good food,  house like a mansion.. and then what? What makes life valuable?
Been thinking..... i would rather choose a lifestyle that believe  this world is not all, i am created into God's image, that makes life valuable, i live by the conduct of code from God who has the authority to define good and evil. I am created for eternity. What i do on earth counts for eternity, and my character matters in eternity.
I shudder at the thought of everyone living on this earth from the first world view.

Wednesday, 1 March 2006

Drama on Friday

 

Went to visit Dr. E, A GP in my locality, as part of my job, which is to promote cost-effective prescribing. I monitor their prescribing trend, make sure they don’t prescribe large quantity of sleeping pills and harm patients etc. It was my first meeting with Dr. E, as I am new to this job.

First thing on the agenda: Atorvastatin and Simvastatin, both are used to lower cholesterol level in patients. Atorvastatin cost £18.01 per 28 tablets, while simvastatin cost only £3.89. I showed him the literature where all clinical trials were tabled and showed him the effectiveness comparing atorvastatin and simvastatin.  10mg of Atorvastatin and Simvastatin 40mg decrease cholesterol level by 37%, ie at that dose, they both do the same job, same level of reduction. I showed him the evidence. To my dismay, he chose to live in DENIAL.

“This is not true. I don’t believe this”

How do you response to people who chooses to live in denial?

I told him that the result was from 164 clinical trials paper and is the highest level of information in terms of credibility.

“How many GPs have you visited and how many has agreed to simvastatin as first line?”

“I have visited three”

“Who are they?”

“Dr. G, Dr. D and Dr. W”

Dr. E picked up the phone and called Dr. G in front of me. I couldn’t hear the other end of the conversation, the last word from Dr. E was : “ Yeah, they don’t listen to us”

Dr. E turned to me and said “ Dr. G said he agreed because of your persuasion”

To be honest, I don’t know what is the whole argument about, because when I asked him which statin does he use as first line, he answered: Simvastatin !!!

I prayed in my heart for wisdom and for self-control.

As written in the bible, Proverbs 12:15 : A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.

In the end I told him, … just when I spoke the third words, he interrupted me. I said, please give me a chance to speak and let me finish my sentence. I can’t control you, my job is to lay out the evidence before you, share our interpretation of those result and our opinion, and by the end of the day, you can do what you want. You are a health care professional, I am a professional too.

The rest of the conversation went well.

Quite a drama.

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