Monday, 4 December 2006
What is marriage
At this stage, being married for six months( ONLY), marriage to me is about loving ( and of course accepting) someone who is totally different from me.
In my opinion, when two people live together,( not only couple, housemates as well! ) there will be a stage where conflict happen due to plain differences of lifestyle, preference. You will understand what I mean if you had housemates/flatmetes. Any two human being ( including twins) from the same family, same parents will end up having different personalities and preferences. Even more so when you talk about two beings from different culture, different family background come together.
Having said that, this stage will be temporal. After two beings got to know the ins and outs, the preference and lifestyle differences, they will learn to accept it and each will have influence on the other. For example, I insist that hot (temperate) food should not be transferred to plastic container and kept in the fridge straight away, but instead should be cooled down. Initially, albert had a different perspective. Being trained as a pharmacist, where medicine preparation has to be sterile ( free from contaminants), he thinks that hot food should be stored in container, completely sealed, while it is still hot and kept in the fridge. That will ensure it’s sterile. Both of us, are right. I have been taught since young from my mum that plastic container, no matter how heat resistant they are, interact with hot food and is not good, plus storing hot food in the fridge will increase the overall temperature of the fridge. On first few occasion, albert insisted that I should follow him. So I did. I then googled and read around the topic and sent him the articles. Now, we compromise. We will let the cool down and then only transfer to the container and the fridge. Anyway, when we reheat the food thoroughly before eating, there will not be any problem.
Beneath the difference in opinion, there was a deeper underlying value system which I was not aware. Until the time when we had our post-marriage counselling with our pastor. He said that when he first came to London on his own, he was afraid of being sick because there was no one to take care of him and being ill on his own was his worst fear. Following that, he is very particular with the cleanliness of the food, since we ingest it and affects our body. As for me, being brought up in a blessed family, I never had the insecurity and I also had housemates with me. I never lived alone.
Hence, all the more, I believe that getting to know the underlying values a person whole is crucial in helping us to accept and love the being the way they are. This is due to the intricate relationship of a person background, growing up experiences, perception of the world, their communication skills, their problem solving method are deeply interwoven. I have realised that to actually identify one's underlying deeply embedded values system takes time.
It’s about knowing : knowing your creator-God, and through him, and the world around you, to know yourself, and then to know others. As the word know-ing is present continuous tense, it’s an ongoing process.
Well, those are my 2 cents.
p/s: I am still in the knowing phase