Tuesday, 17 October 2006
To confront or not- Episode 2
If you require background reading, Episode 1 can be read HERE
As much as I prefer to confront Mrs B instead of her husband, I have finally decided to agreed with Albert to go for a lighter touch: we confronted Mr. B, the husband of the "suspect".
We told Mr. B what we found, the discrepancy of the amount after i clarified with 13 people who gave their contribution to Mrs B whom they trusted. (They signed on a card).
Mr B's approach in handling this issue disappointed all of us. I could still remember his first instant reply :
� I have nothing much to say to you as I trust my wife�.
To put myself in his shoe, that was a valid point. However, what he said later puts all of us off. At one point, I could see Albert shut his mind and travelled to Brazil�
Instead of promising us that he would get to the bottom of this, he diverted the focus of our confrontation. He said that his wife has such a strong personality that he finds it hard to confront her, etc.... he has to find an appropriate occasion to bring up this issue, which he doesn't know when, ie indefinite.
He never said that he would come back to us with an answer. If he trusted his wife, all the more he should inquire MrsB behind closed door and come back to us later. If his wife really did it, he would ask her to apologise to us and to all those who entrusted her with their contribution.
He didn�t say any of those.
He aplogised on her behalf if we felt that we have been betrayed (*duh) and offered to pay us the discrepancy financially. In my heart I was thinking, if that was Albert , and someone suspected his wife of such behaviour, surely Albert will not want to pay them as it would imply that his wife did it. By agreeing to pay, he was admitting that his wife did it? NO?
Again and again, we told him that we don't want the money. It's not the issue of money here, it's the issue of accountability and trust. She received contribution( money) from 13 couples/singles. Unless she can come out with a valid reason or explanation, she will have to ocnfess to us and realised that what she did was wrong. This sort of behaviour has happened twice, first with our weddding gift in June and three months later, with another couple, with same circle of friends.
His husband wanted us to 包容( tolerate) her, but it seems that he wants to 包庇 her (cover up). His intention was to give us the money to shut our mouth. He said that to change one's behaviour takes time( which contradicted what he said in the beginning where he trusted his wife ). He pleaded us to tolerate her in the interim. He even teared in front of us , saying he took a lot of effort to convince his wife to stay in UK to work, instead of going to Shanghai. He doesn�t want to loose his wife. He admitted that he was being selfish to ask us to tolerate ( contain this between ourselves)her. Albert commented that he was using his emotions to blackmail us.
Emotional Blackmail.He tried to imply that if we confronted his wife face to face, she will not be able to take it, becomes very defensive and disruptive. We won't be able to have any conversation with her at all. She may also stop seeing us, and may leave UK and work in Shanghai. So, it's our fault that he can't make his wife stay in UK for him?
Any aspect of his words that annoyed us was when he blamed us for being calculative! He implied that we were counting every single penny of what others contributed. This was clearly not our intention.
Pardon me? Stop shifting the blame here. We made it very clear that it's not the money issue !!! *boiling*
The worst was we saw both of them again last week and both of them behave as if there was nothing going at all, smiling and laughing away ! The other couple wasn�t very happy.
How do I see this? Well, I don�t hate her since I acknowledged that all of us are weak fallen imperfect human beings prone to sin. She will need help if she doesn�t think that what she did was wrong. I strongly believe that one should have to courage to own up for their behaviour and bear the consequences of their actions. We are adults. If there was no apology from her, surely we can continue as if nothing has happened. I can only pray for her repentance. I pray that one day she will repent, her heart will be changed. Till then, she may have to live her denial bliss at the expense of our friendship and trust.