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Friday, 20 October 2006

I have lost the plot

We use quite a lot of this term in our office. Sometimes a small query or issue will get amplifed by e-mails, with different people giving their input, and by the end of those trail of e-mails, somehow some people have lost the plot. We have to read the first e-mail again as to remind ourselves of the initial question and objective.

Another example, Israelites spent 40 years in the desert, where in fact, they could have gone into the canaan sooner if they had been obedient. They got "side-tracked", they forgotten about the goodness of their God, they lost the plot. They lost their focus, they forgot why they left Egypt.

YOu get the picture.

Elaine's arrival has confirmed that our God is real, Our heavenly Father cares for us. She shared with me how God met her unspoken needs via strangers. Elaine was the one who taught me about chords and improvisation when i started my pianist ministry in church. I could still remember it was such an embarassment when i finished my Grade 8 , yet knew nothing about improvisation, nothing about playing in a music band of drum, guitar and bass plus the worship leader. She saw me grew up. I was in my teens then, now a married woman.

I saw how she lived her life to the fullest, having clear aims in her life, sharing the love of Christ to others with her lovely voice and sharing. She had vision, she had focus, and above all, she had a close intimate relationship with Heavenly Father.

I knew somewhere i have lost the plot. I was once like that. I once know the joy of salvation, the inexpressible joy of enjoying the sweet fragrance of God's presence in my life, the sweetness of just talking and spending time chatting with my Heavenly Father. Somehow somewhere, like Adam, i wanted to experience the world without God. I went to search for my agenda, i question my faith. Gradually, before i knew it, i was in a black hole. I was lost, i had no vision, i don't mind dying, because i realised i was not living, merely breathing and existing.

I talked to people, i observed them. Not many were passionate about life. Others just said that's it irene, this is life. What do you expect? work, have kids, grow old and die. Of course, i missed the disease part. I wasn't satisfied. Surely there has to be more.

As i am writing here, i recalled the passion i once had at the age of 17, i told God i want to make a difference and i want to be that difference. I don't want to waste my life, i want to live my life to the fullest. Somewhere somehow, i have forgotten that the way to find life, the way to live life to the fullest is to know the ONE who gave life, the One who holds the key of life and death, the ONE who created me, the One who knew me more than i know myself, the One who love me so much that he was willing to lay down His life for me.

Yes, that's the point where i have lost the plot. Thank God, i have found the point ( the movie from hk on chun tin fa fa in cantonese).

Either this or that , i am always right. If i choose to think this way, my whole system, my mind, attitude will abide by the system that i chose. I will act this way and vice versa. It's a choice issue here.

I have decided to put a stop my to loss. I want to know the One who can show me the path of life

" You have made known to me the path of life, you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand, " Psalm 16: 11

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy, I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

I can't go on existing aimlessly. " God's hand is on your life. There are too many who are depending on you to fulfill the purposes God has in your life. Keep moving! Keep investing yourself in others."

I made a prayer last Sunday, after Elaine left. I prayed that i want to start all over again. I want to live to discover the depth of God's love for me and to share this with others. No greater thing than knowing my Heavenly Father who createad me, who loves me, who died for me, who cares for me, who never give up on me. Every waking moment is a moment of discovering that.

Amen. God bless you .. and me... and this is the beginning of greater things ahead. Amen !


" For this reason i kneel before the Father , from whom his whole fmaily in heaven and on earth. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your heart through faith.

And i pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,

and to know this love that surpasses all knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory ." Ephesian 3:16-20

1 comment:

  1. Hi... is London really that bad, or are you just not happy with what the Lord has for you now? Could you not count at least five things that are good in your life now?

    There are many people back home who may be yearning for what you have and where you are, for your little green patch here; and they would be glad to trade your patch for their spoilt ground.

    It's not easy to make do with what we have, but I am reminded that Joseph did even in Egypt. Hang in there. God has His time, and it never coincides with ours.

    I'm praying for you.

    ~Sal

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