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Thursday, 24 August 2006

Tears- A gift from God

Tears is God�s gift to me. I tear easily, inherit that from my mum. Sometimes I hate that, because it�s a sign of weakness, especially I have to argue my case. I tear when I am agitated, or when I am extremely angry or when I am sad. I tear when I watched movies that moves me. Maybe that�s why it�s call movies, they are meant to move us ?

I shed a lot of tears last night. It�s accumulation of homesick, anxiety, the sense of being lost, emotionally tired and sadness of not being fulfilled. I miss home, I miss KL. My family, my lovely niece, my friends and food. I start to question why I am in London. Each year numerous people leave UK to their own home. Mei is going back to NZ next year, I met my ex-colleague few days ago and she too is heading back to NZ. Rachel is looking for job in Shanghai.

I tear because we still feel lonely here in London. Yes, there�s so much I can do in London, park, evening classes, theatre, museums.. etc� but we want friendship

I tear because I am tired of the process of getting-to-know-you and the next thing I know, you are leaving me and I have to start the process again.

I tear because I am disappointed that no one include me and albert into their agenda. Our friends here in London are busy going through their own life routine.

I miss those moments of eating good food with a big group of friends in KL , and chat till late in mamak.

I cried my heart out �. Eventhough there was no solution in the end� I feel relieve today. I felt great after crying last night.

Albert and I do not have any family members here in UK. Albert is more than happy to move to KL with me. Furthermore, it�s closer to HK. But we are not sure when is the appropriate time to move back. I am applying for medicine in UK, hence going home for good is not appropriate now until I am rejected by Med School.

Today, I feel better. I thank God for the gift of tears.

1 comment:

  1. Dear Irene, good that you can cry. I feel awful because I can only cry when I see a mouse! To be honest, it is not a good thing. And it doesn't show the strength.

    ReplyDelete

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