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Wednesday, 16 August 2006

24 hours

15th August:

2pm Office: Had a meeting with Smoking Cessation team. Their team were such a great team, full of humour and casual. Unlike our own prescribing team , always serious and dry humour-mainly work related humour. Very interesting job they do, promoting quit smoking and smoke free premises like pubs, laundrette� yes laundrette� targeting smoking pregnant ladies, HIV, adolescents and teenagers etc� Exciting hey� compared to the things that we do� yes� I am moaning.. I admit that �

4:55pm:Covent Garden: I left 5 minutes early, since I stayed still 6pm previous day for a non-productive prescribing own team meeting(not surprising). I left early in search of using that 1 hour slot to shop for a pair of trousers for work. My trousers is so baggy!!! Well, till now, I am still reluctant to pay �30-40 for a pair of trousers. I tried H & M, nothing good so I went to NEXT, and that was the price. In the end, I left empty handed. Counting down to shopping in KL� if only yue siew who is returning home can help me buy trousers! Too bad, she is much slimmer.

630pm: Haagan �Daz, Leicester Sq.: Organised a get together (why always me ah? ) with ex-colleagues, Mei ling, Niina, Bernadine and Jamie. Met Chin bing (from Manchester), just happened to be in London. Apologised for not inviting him to my wedding.. forgot about him� (not very close mar) All pharmacist. Niina came and left 5 minutes later, she was on-call and had to travel back to the hospital to supply some medication. More reasons to hate pharmacy ! Arghh.. Had dinner at HK diner, good food and great time of catching up with both of them seeing someone, a banker..(*wink) which they were so glad that those guys are not from health care field. Bernadine has moved on and she is doing a medical degree, graduate entry, only 3 years. She is enjoying it. We asked her why she wants to do medics, she said she enjoys helping the patients and seeing patients get well.

9pm: reached home, watched Korean Drama�

10pm: Old friend, Mr. C called� blamed me again for not inviting him� (err� he didn�t call prior to my wedding, so I also embarrassed to call him since I used to have a crush on him, in 2002). Chat like old days till 1 am. C is a doctor as well, again asked him what he gives him satisfaction. � Being able to help patients, to learn more about diseases, and seeing patients get well and hearing patient says �thank you�

1am: Confused again, what I want to do , medical degree? Mummy degree? Management consultant? Pharmacist? ARGGGHHH.. I hate this�to numb myself, I switched on my laptop, continue with Korean Drama till 4 am.

4 am: Slept, woke up at 8 am to work.

845: called yue siew on the bus, chat till I reached office.

915am: Only me and T around today, others are away.

10am: google: google on Canon 1D II MARK camera which C has. Then, google on entry requirement for medical degree, graduate entry. Printed sample questions of MSAT-Medical School Assessment Test, much easier than I thought. Look through UCAS form.. e-mailed Bern for details� read my own blog dated 2002, drastic difference in blogs content. One thing remain the same, Violet is still reading my blog today.

11am: Called mum and shared my dilemma, she told me for married woman, family and husband come first, then undertakings�� yes I agree� and obviously, that is the cause of dilemma

1130am: patient called, asking for help, can�t obtain his anti-blod clot stocking on prescription, and obviously unwilling to pay. Called his doctor� and return patient�s call to see his GP.

12noon: raining, grey sky, miserable.. just like me.. And Albert has joined my club� having problems at his end as well� Can�t be bothered to go out for fresh air, don�t think it will make any difference�

2pm : typing now � so many things happened in the last 24 hours

How I am feeling: low, weighed down, heavy, not joyful, direction-less .. wonder how long more do I have to feel this way� where is the way ? if career is not everything, what is? Raising a kid? Staying at home alone with a baby? Don�t forget I am in London, not KL. No helper, less friends, no family by my side. No, I am not ready for babies yet, before I sort out my own mess.

---Staring at the computer screen, with fingers on keyboard, with my big bum on a chair whole day AIN�T ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
aaaAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRgggggggggggggHHHHHhhhh

Where is it ? where is my path? Where?

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