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Thursday, 27 January 2005

square one

I am back again, yea back to square one. My housemate said it's my hormone. Well, maybe that's just a 1/millionth of the reason. I am very lost, and feeling a bit hopeless in my career. No satisfaction, both from job itself and money. A lot of Ifs have been playing on my mind, if i can be a locum pharmacist, then at least i have more money. Why more money, well, good question, i can go travelling, or support myself when i am doing charity work. I know, that is a lie, i don't have to have money to provide disaster relief in a rural and poor country for example. Human essential needs are so basic and i always believe that the less i have, the less worry i have.

I am not happy with my current situation. There is nothing i look forward to. Waking up everyday to work brings no enjoyment AT ALL. "It pays the bill" some may say. Yea, that doesn't make me feel better. I can't see what i want to do.. used to be very ambitious to be a senior pharmacist or go into management, but now having been in NHS, i don't like that. My need is just more patient contact, something so basic and yet so difficult to achieve in a hospital. I want to work in community mental health team, but was rejected in my interview on the 25th. I had two , one internally with Maudsley and one in the afternoon. I didn't get both, prayer answered. My ideal job is still out there, Praise the Lord.

Be still and know that i am God..... maybe i should stay and continue to be a checker.... i am sad...

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