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Wednesday, 19 May 2004

VULNERABILITY

Read Henri Nouwen's book: Circle of Love, one of the entries talked about prayer and vulnerability. Talking to God is being broken and vulnerable before God, telling him how weak i am, and asking Him to help me translate my faith into actions, which i couldn't. I prayed... i told God i can't do it on my own.. i so much want to walk my own ways, follow my way of satisfying my deeper hunger, of seeking cheap love and significance.

God is good, He is compassionate towards all our weaknesses, mine included. Received a phone call from a friend of mine whom i just got to know from SEEC.Never thought he would call to say hi. Our conversation was about his friend's problem which is similiar to mine, about being rebellious, of wanting to be our own master, of pleasing SELF rather than God.

The message was that we should flee from temptation, especially when we have not plunged very deeply into the pit, while the conscience is still speaking to us, while we could still hold back and withdraw.. if we refused,our hearts would be hardened,we will no longer be in control, we will be possessed by our own desire and in the end, God will give us up to our desire... yes, we will have it our own way.. and we will have to face the consequences of our decision.. scary.. i am not ready to face this risk for i know that my way is not the way to life...

indeed, that surprise call from my friend is not a coincidence.. God is showing His love for me, His compassion towards a weak person like me..... Thank you God for your mercy.. for a small person like me...

"but each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin; and sin when it is full-grown bring forth death. James 1:14"

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