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Thursday, 12 February 2004

Reality

Received mum's letter two nights ago.Been reaching home about 10-11 pm every night this week.Met up with my friend on Tuesday whom i have not seen for 2 years. She is going back for good this October and she has kindly to offer to teach me singing next Tuesday at Cutty sark... look forwad to having singing lessons. I enjoy singing more than playing on the piano.WHy? because there's a lot of tears and stress in my journey of playing the piano... "i am not good enough, not talented at all, hopeless in hearing and rhythm..." the Good news is God by His grace and mercy has given me the luxury of attending piano classes, finished my 8 grade and now playing for a church.No room to boast except for God's grace and mercy because by knowing more of God, He has shed light into my perspective on reality and knowing my self in His light.I am a nobody , nothing .. like grass, here today gone tomorrow, a body with a breath which is dependent on Him.

Reality... and mum... i dread to read mum's letter when i received it. Don't get me wrong, i dread it because i always tear or cry after reading them. It's painful because my mum is very transparent and honest about her disappointment with things around her, not me in particular.. just her thoughts, her regrets in her life. It's painful because i can feel the pain embeded in her words. Well, don't we all have our regrets? I guess regrets become closer as we grow older.
Mum's letter reminds me about reality... reality about Malaysia and my family. Reality that ignorance is not a bliss.I have a burden to carry, a responsibility to fulfil to my family.It's real but i sometimes forget them when i am here in London.

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