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Wednesday, 12 June 2002

HUMILITY

It's an ongoing , lifelong struggle for me... The past 9 months of pursuing in this masters can be described as 'humbling experience'. Good..i have always prayed that God will humble me... i am so weak.... that i can't even humble myself.. it has to be definitle the work of God.... my breath and my life is sustained by God.... had a 'Heart attack' today... well to be honest and really transparent... pride began to creep into me when i finished my first draft of essay due on the 14th of July.... i hate myself when i am being proud.. i just find myself tossing between inadequate and proud... one moment i feel so small about myself, the next i am complacent.... still learning..

Two HUMBLINg incidence: first, yesterday,was at the computer lab trying to insert some table using Word Perfect.. yes the computers in my uni all is in Word Perfect, no Microsoft Word, super duper inconvenient.. well... the whole afternoon, just trying to insert the table with data using Word Perfect, but in vain... just don't know how to use it.. gave up.. left feeling very frustrated, very unproductive, besides, being in the computer lab, saw my coursemate's final, ready essay, with nice charts and graphs.... *yes.. what is there to be proud of...* *argh* hate myself.... so irene, nothing great.... you think your draft is something, she is ready to hand her essay in....

Secondly, English proficiency..... such a loust command of English... asked my friend to proof read my essay... mega lots of ammendment to make...

Back to the heart attack story .... was drinking green tea while finalizing my essay.... placed my mug next to the laptop (there was a teaspoon in the mug).... yes.. needless to say... my hand.. somehow 'flipped' the teaspoon from the mug.. and *splash* over the keyboard.... the next moment... the keyboard has got a brain own its own... typing letters on its own and i could not stop it.... i just stared at the screen blankly.... ya.. started praying...asking God what i should do.. next called up my friend.... she suggested drying it with a hair dryer... i don't own one... went down to the toilet... brought my laptop... dried it beneath the hand dryer... brought it up to my room... on my laptop.... started making continuous sound...... switched it off again... called my friend again.. she said maybe it's still wet... called up another of my friend, borrowed her hair dryer... started drying my keyboard with the hair dryer.... after a while, by God's grace and mercy, my laptop resumed its function.... *phew* It just occurred to me i am such a nobody.... don' worry , i am not feeling inadequate here.. just acknowledging my limitation as a human in this universe....

Luke 14:11 " For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

Isaiah 66:2 "Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?" declares the Lord . "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word"

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