Monday, 29 April 2002
VULNERABLE and TRANSPARENCY
As I grow older, I find myself afraid of being transparent with my friends as much as I used to. Of course I don�t tell everyone about my problems, only to one or two intimate friends. I am afraid because I fear that they judge me when they know my problems. I can understand people including myself, sometimes feel more comfortable sharing our problems with a total stranger or talking with counselor. One of the many reason I can think of now is that one feels secure talking it out to a stranger, since their lives do not revolve around each other.
It�s crucial to find the right friend to share problems. Find someone whom you can trust, who is compassion towards your mistake and your problems, someone who still think of you the same, love you the same, do not leave you in the dark, do not despise you, do not give advice as if they think they are superior than you, do not intimidate you with their suggestion, do not put salt into your wound, someone who laugh with you when you laugh and cry with you when you cry�� above all, someone who truly cares and loves you just as you are� knows the weaknesses in you and yet able to accept you and have faith in you that you will change for the better�.
I think using the word �find� is not very appropriate.. at times you just click, you just find yourself so comfortable talking to your buddy, you just don�t have the self-awareness while you are with her.. I don�t think one can find, in a way that you can�t go around searching� ; yes you can find, in other way that you can put effort, like a tree, giving fertilizer, sunshine and water to the friendship tree� I think it�s more of a gift bestowed from God�. And that�s why one does not usually has many soulmate�. One or two in life is indeed a blessing� especially when it can last for a lifetime�.